Been thinking about my past, remembering situations that can give me insight into why I developed an eating disorder at such an early age.

I remembered how my parents used to shame me for my size & eating when I was very very little, as little as 5-6. Crazy this sticks in you.

Food focus was intense at home. Commenting what I ate & didn't ate. Comparing me to others. Commenting my size. All before age of 7. Later it escalated. My parents were the main cause why I developed low self-esteem & dieting triggered Binge Eating Disorder.

These days, I don't have BED anymore but it is very difficult for me to have natural dynamic with food due to excessive weight as a result of my ED. This is where Chunkie got birthed as an app to serve as an alternative internal hunger cues mechanism & routine helper.

I will probably have to deal with this for the rest of my life in some capacity. The damage done in those early years paved my way for a future that carries health challenges & socio/financial challenges as well.

I don't speak to my parents anymore. This year I decided to break all contact after they crossed some personal boundaries. Over years as I rebuilt boundaries, I tried keeping some distance but also didn't want to cut off. For my recovery, going no contact was necessary.

It is not an easy thing to do. I am an only child, they supported my school & early life financially, but they also caused so much damage that I will probably never function without obstacles or additional work.

I speak about this openly because there is immense stigma around eating disorders, cptsd, bad parents & going no contact for well being. Especially when you come from traditional backgrounds. I want people to know that sometimes you need to choose yourself.

Twitter is a difficult medium to write about this, but one main goal I would tell anyone with an eating disorder or low self-esteem to set is : find / rediscover your identity outside of others. Really spend time on you. Remove noises, comments, opinions. Find you & your choices.

It took me 30 + years to realise despite being "my own" I never owned myself or my path. My esteem was so wrapped in guilt, shame & servitude. It's a result of childhood emotional (& physical) abuse. But, it doesn't define me. I get to now define myself & learn who I want to be.

To wrap this thread up, no matter what your background is or what challenge you face - spend some time on figuring yourself out. Even the most hurt hearts get something out of it. Give yourself love & feed your soul with positive people, ideas & places as much as possible.