The semicolon— “that supremely self-possessed valet of modern phraseology,” as @nicholsonbaker8 once called it—is the only truly essential punctuation mark https://twitter.com/thelincoln/status/1301655864609308674

In the second grade I was praised for my use of an ellipsis in a “jungle adventure” story that contained the sentence “I looked around and saw ... cannibals!”, which basically tells you everything you need to know about the ellipsis

The em-dash is not a punctuation mark, in the same way that Ikea furniture is not furniture

Which leaves the colon. I use colons; I enjoy using them; and yet, if we ran out of them, I can’t imagine I would have any trouble replacing them with bits and bobs from around the house