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My entire life I've always been filled with the anxiety of being independent with my thoughts. Questions like: Is this normal? Do other people think like this? Is it this hard for everyone? Fill my head and it'd be validating to know if my struggles are something everybody has.
I get paranoid about having ADHD all the time. I constantly question if I'm just lazy or if I actually have a problem. Is me leaving everything till the last minute just a product of my inactive lifestyle or is it something more?
I get down sometimes and I have to ask myself. Is this normal? When does occasional periods of feeling like garbage become depression? When does the fear of how other people see me become anxiety.
I hate these "if you relate to these, you probably have this" because they feel inherently designed to be as relatable as possible. Because everyone gets those symptoms sometimes. It's like me browsing WebMD to see if dry skin is a symptom for skin cancer.
Maybe I'm so up on the labeling of these things but that's because the toolkit to solve them seems so alluring. There's so much methodology on how to take control of ADHD and yet the solution for laziness is mostly "just work harder lol".
Stuff like amphetamines + anti-depressants are game-changers for some people but I have a view that balances between egotistical and deprecating where I'm constantly on the wire of. "I don't need those things, I can conquer this myself" to "I don't have this, I'm just lazy."
People seek a sense of community in their problems. But as someone who's consistently tried to break the expectations of "the disabled guy", those communities feel strange. I don't want to seek a sense of identity in being the fat guy, the disabled guy, ect. I want to be Vincent.
I don't know how to wrap up this thread succinctly but this has been in the back of mind for a while and I've always got through things by talking out loud so this is it. I hope at the very least what people get from this is that we do all go through some shit. You aren't alone.
