tw & oversharing /

how do you healthily process trauma? when i first experienced sudden trauma (my family members dying) i didn’t know how to process it, it overwhelmed me to where i got so depressed i couldn’t be a person anymore
after that i just started blocking out any trauma or negative things i experienced. pushed away any thoughts at all (to the point i still have trouble forcing myself to think about my family i’ve lost). now i don’t know how to process anything
i just push away any thought of anything negative i experience and it catches up with me in the worst ways and retraumatizes me. i do not know how to think about negative things without shutting down
posting this thread less to vent, but more on the off chance maybe anyone else has experienced this and has any suggestions ?? i want to see a new therapist but i’m not sure how soon that will be
actually truth be told it’s absolutely both, it’s like heavy stuff n i don’t wanna bother any friends directly abt this but i also feel pretty not great
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