Story time! Last week I bought a watermelon. I brought the watermelon home and thought, I will leave this watermelon on the counter until I am ready to cut it up and eat it. That was one week ago today. 1/n

Today, I noticed a bad smell in the kitchen. I assumed it was the trash, and thought to myself, oh, I'll just make sure I take out the trash later today. 2/n

I went into the kitchen for unrelated reasons and saw the watermelon on the counter. It looked... a bit off. Not quite as round as I remembered. I reach out to touch the watermelon. The following things happened in the span of about 3 seconds. 3/n

Upon touching it, I noticed it felt soft and strange. Before anything else could happen, and with a level of drama that would rival the Alien franchise, the watermelon rolled over 180 degrees towards me, split open, and gushed putrid watermelon slime absolutely everywhere. 4/n

The bad smell became overpowering, and that is when I realized that the watermelon had been the source. This is not the first time I have allowed a fruit or vegetable to liquefy in my kitchen, and surely it won't be the last. 5/n

Until today I never knew how much liquid a watermelon actually held. The answer? A fucking ton. I just finished spending ~45 minutes cleaning watermelon sludge out of every imaginable crevice in the kitchen. 6/n

The moral of this story: when you buy a watermelon, you should cut it up and refrigerate it right away, and if you forget and leave it on the counter for a week, it will explode like an alien egg and you will regret being born. 7/7