I will never forget in high school when my best friend got her acceptance letter to NYU. She had this clear plan for herself. I was envious. I had *ZERO* idea what I was doing that Friday, let alone in 5 years, LET ALONE IN 15!!!

I just wrote poems and short stories… thassit…
And so I took my double full ride scholarships to community college and watched her shine from afar. In my first eight semesters of college, I changed my major… thrice?

Computer science, film, screenwriting, English, philosophy.

Okay… fivece…
And when I landed on philosophy, it’s cuz of my nigga Plato AND a class I took on statement logic. Ooooh, did your boy LOVE him some “If A, then B. If B, then C. A, therefore C” and “P v ~P” shit. Inject it directly into my medulla oblongata; fuck a vein.
You know what my gameplan for life was then, at 19 years of age? ME FUCKING NEITHER! Best I came up with was “I want to be the Socratic gadfly, awakening society! And I know I won’t live to see the fruits of my labor, but I *WILL* get the ball rolling towards a better society.”
[insert obligatory pic of my gadfly tattoo I got last year]
And then I went on to UCF. And I learned of a “grassroots” org called DART (direct action and research training), and - oh! Side note: when I was 18, I thought I’d be a youth minister. I was into religion but felt it needed updating - thought “THIS! Church activism is my path!”
Boom! Gadfly status accomplished! I’d work for DART; work in the churches; get my people free; meld Jesus, Socrates, and Thomas Hobbes together somehow; and in 2248 they’ll build a statue of me for saving humanity. Donezino!

Shit, then I discovered alcohol… and beer pong!!!
I’d go to football games in PJs, a Mike Sims-Walker jersey that I still wear today, and a Jason mask I spraypainted black and gold. At one of the games, I was drunk and befriended a group of rich white folk who found my antics so charming, one of them hired me after graduation.
And that’s how I got into insurance. It was supposed to be temporary until DART hired me. But Colin saw potential in me: why toil away in “grassroots” community service when I could… use my blackness to talk to “low income people” about the importance of car insurance?
Dang… saying that now… I was a fucking stupid 22 year old. Teach black folks why they should aspire to assimilate into corporatized suburban life? Woof.

Bestie had decided on law school and was gonna work with domestic abuse survivors… I was selling insurance. We were ADULTS!
And then Barry ran for president, and as the lone black AND lone idealist at the agency, my conservative higher ups (but friends, cuz we met at the football game, remember?) gave me shit about how the black guy was bad for “our” business. DART was a dud. I needed out.
So Bestie AND childhood friend from last night, both in law school themselves, convinced me that - with my statement logic brain and idealistic views - I should go to law school!

WHAT A GENIUS IDEA! I dunno what type of law I wanna do but anything’s better than insurance! https://twitter.com/drsixfingersesq/status/1301353993059229700
Sooo, doe-eyed, I packed up life in Orlando and moved to Denver on ANOTHER full ride scholly!

Funny story: I got my acceptance letter/scholarship offer exactly THREE HOURS before Broncos drafted Tebow. To say I was apoplectic about this turn of events would be… spot on actually
Doe eyes lasted all of… three weeks? I left my friendgroup in Orlando where we all supported each other and got thrown to the wolves in law school. I thought we all wanted each other to succeed… and then met Jim Cross and Randolph Robinson. [dramatic villain reveal music]
They were kind enough to educate me quickly that my pie-in-the-sky dreams and aspirations were foolish; I was only there cuz I was black and DU needed the diversity (randy and I were the only two black males in the incoming class of 2013); and bet that I’d fail out first semester
[insert obligatory clip from law school diss rap targeted directly at those two]

“Tell James he shouldn’t CROSS the boss”
“They bet against me? I bet they fucking lost”
“I’m sooo Randy, I’m top 5 alive! These cats is candy” (everyone was concerned with being top 5 in class rank)
Obligatory SoundCloud link: https://soundcloud.com/612sphenomenal/schoolin-official-demo
And then I started “dating a public defender,” and told her about some shit that happened in HS, and she’s the one who told me I should be a PD… and boom, that’s how Tym got into criminal defense. ACTUALLY! Today or tomorrow will be the 9 year anniversary of THAT talk. Wild…
Quotes around “dating a PD” 1) to reference back to this tweet; 2) she wasn’t just “a PD;” she was my buddy’s supervisor 1L summer and I met her thru him and then “Tym’s banging Marcello’s boss” became a running joke cuz… we were boys in our mid 20s and dudes are fucking stupid. https://twitter.com/drsixfingersesq/status/1300180548967514112
Anyway… Jesus… this originally started as a joke about me and my bestie from HS and turned into an origin story nobody asked for…

ANYWAY!!! I always think of that day in HS when Sarah got her NYU acceptance letter. Fast forward 18 years and it’s fucking WILD where we ended up
She had a plan. Then decided to be a lawyer helping women. Ended up in oil & gas; has worked for BP for a decade; married to an oil & gas non-lawyer who at one point made the same or more than her despite NOT going to law; two kids; amerikkkan dream.
I had zero plan, but gadfly. Dumb lucked into every open door during my 20s. Went into law cuz 🤷🏿‍♂️ the 2009 recession? Still no plan, but gadfly. Fucked my way into the perfect field of law for my gadfly aspirations. Burnt out immediately. And here I am… twitter gadflying!
All of that to say this…

It’s hilarious to me that at 19, I envisioned “worst case” being me on a sidewalk, in a toga, yelling about how to improve society; and now at 35, I rarely wear pants, and type threads about how fucked we are cuz we didn’t act sooner…
Just… other people dream about white picket fences and lucrative careers. And since I was in high school, I had no aspirations for any one JOB… I just wanted a better world. Hell, I wanted to major in computers solely to make video games. I am who I am and always have been.
I think about that day in HS 18+ years ago and am reminded of this tweet. I felt so seen reading it. Trudy put words to something I felt half my life ago.

It fuels me now when discussing “abolish everything.” Like… what DO you dream about that’s not tainted by capitalism? https://twitter.com/thetrudz/status/1182427229529219072
I think about it every time I use buzzwords like myopic and imagination (also, so I can search them and find specific tweets/threads in the future, cuz I already know I’m a broken record), or when I discuss white folks’ performative actions.
I think about it every time I use buzzwords like myopic and imagination (also, so I can search them and find specific tweets/threads in the future, cuz I already know I’m a broken record), or when I discuss white folks’ performative actions.
I think about it every time I use buzzwords like myopic and imagination (also, so I can search them and find specific tweets/threads in the future, cuz I already know I’m a broken record), or when I discuss white folks’ performative actions.
December 2019 my therapist pushed back on me viewing my nihilism as “freedom from consequences” and instead described it as “being in a locked room, wanting to explore other rooms” where Society™/this country is the locked room.

And that shit has stuck with me; gnawed at me.
Cuz it’s so true… and since none of my tweets from November thru March will show up on a search, I can’t quote tweet any threads where I grapple with that concept directly.

It boils down to: the room is locked because too many of us can’t imagine a world existing outside of it.
So we collectively settle for “incremental change” and “the wheels of justice move slowly” because we THINK alllll the collective systems of oppression are too daunting to overcome all at once.

And I flatly reject that. I rant about social constructs vs reality hoping to gadfly.
Hoping and praying that we all fucking wake up and realize we are CHOOSING to be locked in this dystopian wasteland of a room. I keep making titanic/iceberg references… the locked room metaphor is interchangeable with my “shuffling deck chair” insults.
So like, re-read this thread, now having my origin story laid out for you. I am so fucking desperate to get out of this “locked room” either WITH y’all OR to GET AWAY FROM y’all. I’m so desperate for us to abandon this failing system of government, our “traditions” rooted in hate https://twitter.com/drsixfingersesq/status/1299727967870877697
THIS ONE!!! Talking about myopathy and lack of imagination and behoovement to money… https://twitter.com/DrSixFingersEsq/status/1275314223103369216
My beloved, ever-growing, year and a half old “we’re fucked; let’s fuck” thread. Does it make sense now??? This one in particular goes a step further: not only are we willfully locked in this fucking room, the rest of the building is on fire, so even if we got out… we’re fucked. https://twitter.com/drsixfingersesq/status/1098032640542703617
Or this one… watch me grow more and more frustrated with white folks, writ large, and performative tears until I exploded earlier today quote tweeting @RespectableLaw’s sincere and genuine, yet still futile tweet about being “broken.” It’s not about just ONE person. Never has… https://twitter.com/drsixfingersesq/status/1300352408728395777
I said it in therapy yesterday: I am currently THRIVING mentally because a weight has been lifted from me. I’ve spent over half my life, my entire adult life, wanting to do nothing but get us out of this burning building… fuck the room (read: society); the room is a lost cause. https://twitter.com/drsixfingersesq/status/1301285718723981317
And at 35, with the firm belief I have AT BEST 25-30 left in me (assuming I’m never made into a hashtag via state-sanctioned violence) and a year old vasectomy and still quite a bit of #DeadMomMoney™ left… I’m out of the “save the world” business. I retired.
Retired and tatted up my arm with ha’s. “Some men just want to watch the world burn,” right? Go actually listen to the story about the Burma Bandit:

The govt tried bribing tribal leaders for their loyalty. Alfred was part of a clandestine op to help subjugate indigenous folk…
Problem was the bandit was stealing the jewels… but he wasn’t doing anything with them. Just throwing them away. Alfred says, “because some men aren’t looking for anything logical, like money.”

MONEY IS LOGICAL???? Here, another Tym Thread for you… https://twitter.com/drsixfingersesq/status/1284689127443554306
He goes on to conclude the bandit couldn’t be bought or bullied or reasoned with or negotiated with… about BRIBING TRIBAL LEADERS a few decades after Myanmar gained independence from Alfred’s own mother country.
Bet you didn’t think a thread that started as “my friend and I took different career paths” then turned into an origin story then turned into a makeshift oft-talked-about index of threads would lead us to “Alfred Pennyworth is a fascist”

BUT I AM FULL OF FUCKING SURPRISES, BABY!
All I’m saying… as is the case with all of my recent twitter rants about [gestures broadly] is we would save ourselves a lot of headache if we stopped pretending.

You wanna do good with the time you have left? Great! I support you!

You think there’s a happy ending to this? 👎🏿
“Just be honest with yourselves” about what can be accomplished.

If you truly think kumbaya and voting and tugging on these morally bankrupt death mongers’ non-existent heartstrings is the path, be honest about where that path ends: systems of oppression you’re comfortable with.
Just be honest with yourself, he begged.
Just be honest with yourself, he begged.
Just be honest with yourself, he begged.
Just be honest with yourself, he begged.
Just be honest with yourself, he begged.
If we learn nothing else from this thread I have UNKNOWINGLY spent my entire waking day on while KNOWING there are 3 guaranteed people who will read, like, and retweet it, we’ve at least learned I intentionally use buzzwords so I can find my own tweets later.
If we learn nothing else from this thread I have UNKNOWINGLY spent my entire waking day on while KNOWING there are 3 guaranteed people who will read, like, and retweet it, we’ve at least learned I intentionally use buzzwords so I can find my own tweets later.
If we learn nothing else from this thread I have UNKNOWINGLY spent my entire waking day on while KNOWING there are 3 guaranteed people who will read, like, and retweet it, we’ve at least learned I intentionally use buzzwords so I can find my own tweets later.
Somehow the most scatterbrained, disorganized, “lazy” fuck you know has a “method to the mayhem” filing system for all the yelling into the void he does.

If that isn’t the epitome of “self-serving,” then please take my doctorate away…

…from my cold, dead hands, you cowards!
HEY! I lost a follower today! Fucking good! I hate when I get too close to 400. (Yes I searched if it would pull up allllllll my old tweets about why I like staying under 400, but it didn’t. Just… take my word for it, please)
You can follow @DrSixFingersEsq.
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