Here is the thing. Is cocaine real? I've never seen it. I've only heard about it.

I've been in SO MANY PLACES that cocaine is purported to be rampant and never seen it. So? Alt theory: I have the countenance of a narc and so it gets hidden when I enter the room.

Listen. I'm just a journalist. Standing in front of Twitter. Asking why no one has ever offered me cocaine.

To be clear, I do heroin ALL THE TIME.

This tweet really blew up (!) so I'm going to mute it so I can get back to the serious business of journalism and this mountain of H. Thank you all for seeing me and dunking on me so rigorously and specifically and accurately. I feel loved today.