Only just happened upon this thread which I think you should read because it is very good. I don't disagree with any of it but I would like to add a couple of points to it: https://twitter.com/dadthatwrites/status/1281668966885158912

First is to point out that boys (& men) don't simply choose to be like this. Gender is collectively socialised & the problem is the socialisation, not the subject, so I think if we want to *do* something about this, it's no good to say to individual boys "don't be like this" >

We should be saying to ourselves "let's not make boys like this." At the heart of this problem is that the socialisation of masculinity is a process of brutalisation, learning to suck it up, not to cry, all of that, but above all >

learning not to disclose any weakness or vulnerability because if you do IT WILL BE USED AGAINST YOU. Consequently each act of 'toughness', each denial of emotion, each "I'm fine" becomes a little plate of armour covering a weak spot, >

& by the time you're a grown man you're clunking around like a medieval knight in emotional full plate armour which makes you bugger all use for anything but at least you *feel* safe. >

How do we prevent that? We have to ensure kids (boys, specifically) don't face those negative consequences for opening themselves up, emotionally. We need to respond with warmth & compassion, not cynicism or contempt when they do, >

Parents need to learn that WITHOUT EVEN KNOWING THEY'RE DOING IT they typically take significantly longer to attend to a crying baby boy than they do to a crying baby girl & that this has lasting impacts. >

We need to understand & build on progress we've made with anti-bullying policies in school, expand & learn from them. If/when we talk about concepts like 'toxic masculinity' we understand we're talking about a process of socialisation & brutalisation, not personal failings. >

And finally, for now, we need to catch ourselves on when we use gendered vulnerabilities against boys & men of all ages. Recognise that when we make jokes about inadequate men having small dicks etc, we are playing a tune that is profoundly, intensely patriarchal & corrosive. >

And yeah (gestures vaguely at my friends on the left) when we play that meme 'she's turned the weans against us' or 'sorry your wife left you' then we are using profoundly gendered male vulnerabilities as a weapon in ways that directly impact upon cultures of male suicide.

And with that, tl;dr

1/ If we understand that gender is a social construct, we must also understand that reforming gender is a social project.

2/ We spend too much time talking about how boys are brutes, and far too little thinking about how boys are brutalised.

/ENDS