a message to my abuser,

today marks one year to when we met. you put me through literal hell, i wouldn’t wish what you did to me on my worst enemy. you were the literal spawn of satan on earth. it baffles me to this day and always will how one human being can be so ruthless to -

another human being. but it makes sense, cause you’re an animal. only a heartless animal can put someone through trials of death while alive. only a heartless animal can gaslight, manipulate and abuse the trust of another human being. having the victim develop stockholms syndrome

the trauma. i still wake up in the middle of the night thinking i’m locked out sitting on the tarmac in the winter cold. i still wake up wondering if i’m alive or dead, if my suicide attempt was successful or not. i still see ambulance lights flashing.

i also know you’re reading this rn, hiding, being the coward you are, convincing the handful of people around you know that you’re the victim. but i just want you to know, even though you scarred me deeper than i could’ve imagined, Allah (swt) saved me, my Moula saved me.

and i’m still alive, still breathing and still loved by my closest ones. you failed to take away a son from a mother, a brother from their sisters, a lover from her heart. you lost. i won. you will forever be miserable, always hunting on the vulnerable.

“is not Allah the most just of judges” [Quran 95:8].

everyone will stand on the grounds of Arafat, in front of our Lord. then I’ll wait for the answers to your actions. but just know that i was smiling before i met you, and i’m smiling now. you only made me stronger.

i just wanna say to everyone who’s been a victim of abuse, i know it’s not easy. it can be so scary, it can put your whole life on halt. so my dm’s are always open if you want a safe space to talk. especially men, it is not easy to speak up. but men can be victims of abuse too!!!

i’m ever grateful for the people i’m here because of today, alive and stronger than ever. the three angels Allah sent down to me in human form (you know who you are). the mental health trauma support team i was given, my friends, my uni and especially my abusers previous victims!

who reached out, willing to fight this monster. who had the courage to speak up. you made me realise i’m not alone. the support you gave was something i will forever be thankful for.