TW: trans guilt

One thing I’m learning to understand and accept is that being in a relationship in which you come out as trans, is difficult.
It’s extremely easy to feel guilty.

I did. For quite some time. After all, my partner didn’t ask for this. They “don’t deserve” this.

I carried that guilt around with me from day 1, thinking ‘well, I love her. I’m not the only one in this. I HAVE to think of her feelings, too.’

My therapist offered me a perspective that I hadn’t accepted previously, however, and it’s helped me be at peace ever since.

No, my partner didn’t choose for me to be trans. But neither did I.

And the one thing my partner DID choose, was to stay. She chose to keep our love and take the chance that it might not blossom & grow together through this process.

But she said “I’m staying”. That, she chose.

The courage and vulnerability that comes along with that choice, has to be terrifying. Nobody wants to be hurt or heartbroken. But that choice has two sides; it’s both courageous AND an unforced decision to accept that it might not work.

My guilt has since subsided ever since.

It’s SO important for trans people to understand that. Yes, your partner didn’t ask for a trans partner, but you didn’t ask to be trans, either.

How every trans person gets to the beginning of the journey to DO something about being trans, varies. That’ll always be true.

But make sure that you’re being honest with yourself regarding who decides to come along on that journey with you.

It’ll help you really minimize the emotional baggage you take along with you.

And if you have trouble with overpacking, have a therapist help you. It’s healthy to.