feeling dysphoric lately might just be a guy after all

first time i've ever said "i feel dysphoric" but idk i've been thinking about being a trans guy too much to call it just a silly little thought idk if i'll do it doe

on that topic i think the same reason i dont wanna fully go trans guy besides my own unwillingness to change stuff in my life is just like the sexual aspect of it all that'll be forced onto me
i'm still, i guess, considered a ""tomboy"" and with that always being fetishized and

sexualized i already feel disgusted with myself, but if i were to be a guy in this hypothetical situation i'd just be a """twink""" (even more disgusting if i think of it) i don't know how to get over this im disgusted with sex i hate this im cursed

ok enough being genuine who here likes big chungus

never mind fuck you i feel like being a human
i utterly despise the prospect of anything i like immediately being fucked up by the inevitability of it being sexualized
i can't even enjoy female characters anymore because i know eventually, inevitably, i'm gonna see porn of them

if i follow an artist it'll inevitably end in them drawing porn or inevitably drawing some gay 'lewd' ( I HATE THIS WORD BTW ) so i just mute every artist i see unless they draw something i really like
i wanna avoid porn at every chance i fucking get. it's so disgusting

i will admit i over react way too fucking much but i'll also admit pornography or sexualization is a genuine trigger for me i don't care if it's considered "le epic sjw word" it triggers me, it makes me wish i wasn't porn with a cunt and it makes me wish i wasn't even born

so i burst out in anger and it ends up fucking me over, as much as i wish i could stop myself i guess my brain is absolute mush and i get needlessly mad at shit that someone else'd consider harmless hentai. it's still fucking annoying though. at least go on a private account.

there's no excuse if you Do have a private account but act horny on your main
please take the people you (((supposedly))) care about into consideration. please
i wish i was normal i really wish i do. if i could just edit out this hatred for sex and porn outta me i would

but i guess my brain fucking sucks and hates horniness and sexuality in a Society that loves it . whateva i dont know why im even venting right now it's not like anyone cares.

better than bottling it all up and then lashing out when i've eventually had enough, i guess.

in conclusion if i ever do start identifying as he/him if any of you even dare call me a "femboy" i will block you on sight i don't care how long we've been friends for i won't allow that to happen.

i'll just use this thread to vent about what's on my mind i guess

i do enjoy being told that "a lot of people hate me" time really is a flat circle, even in my childhood house my own family despised me, everyone in school despised me, the one time i had a girlfriend she as well

despised me, maybe i truly am just a hateable person. noone's fault but my own i guess. though i don't mind being hated by the bitch ass smug legend typa fold, i at least care about my perception of those who're friends of friends. at least i guess i should.

my public perception is awful. as it probably should be with all the purposeful shit-stirring. i don't know how i'd correct that, though.

okay now everyone knows too much personal information about myself time to kill you all off blah blah i drink coffee now i crazy