It's okay if you want to make excuses for your fathers. Many did what was considered good parenting in their time. And their time has passed. No use crying over spilled milk.
I just hope you are holding your husbands to better standards. I hope you men intend to be better fathers

Arguing over what our parents did right vs wrong, regardless of what side of the argument you are on, is futile and useless, if you are not making conscious decisions right now; not tomorrow. Now. To be better and to demand for better.

Let me just say, you will be surprised at how easy it is to default to what is traditional, what is easy, what requires no arguments, what is familiar.
Doing things intentionally, differently, is not something you will just find yourself doing. It is swimming upstream.