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hello. kinda serious tweet :/
i fr need to do something about my eating habits. i& #39;m actually worried but don& #39;t really know what to do... it like-- affects me negatively throughout the whole day and there& #39;s no real pattern, just some days seem better than others.
i fr need to do something about my eating habits. i& #39;m actually worried but don& #39;t really know what to do... it like-- affects me negatively throughout the whole day and there& #39;s no real pattern, just some days seem better than others.
i seemingly forget to eat or have no appetite a lot of the time. i get tired/lack a lot of cognitive skills after consecutively skipping meals. like the past week i think i& #39;ve eaten about 1/3rd of what i& #39;m supposed to. (this in turn might go unnoticed for a few days but then
something happens like i play smash in a competitive environment then i just feel bad. i know i can do better, but i& #39;m functioning at a fraction of what i can do. a lot of this has to do with adderall ruining my appetite, but i feel reliant to the point where i cannot
function without it. my sleep has been getting better only because i have been going out more and being more active/seeing friends and school started. however, it was common this summer for me to stay up for 30 hours and then sleep for nearly 20 because of my internal clock.
i& #39;ve talked to some friends about this here and there, but at this point i feel like the process is very long and drawn out for little change and i really don& #39;t know what to do/feel lost. it really fucking sucks feeling like you have a hangover if you don& #39;t take a pill every day.
i& #39;ve only been on this medication since after me joining the ultimate scene, I believe april 2019 was when i started-- it& #39;s been almost a year and a half playing around with this stuff, and i feel awful that i can& #39;t wake up and function like everyone else unless i take
prescriptions. i& #39;m afraid to go off of it... i stopped one time last year abruptly (because i was out and insurance was having issues covering it), and i had horrible withdrawl symptoms. feeling the need to vomit, nausea, confusion, awful reaction time, inability to process
information, etc. HOWEVER... i could eat normally. Frostbite was actually pretty horrible for me because i forgot my medication at home... so i played bracket (doubles and singles) essentially hungover (which i was hungover for doubles, so it kinda just felt like a challenge to
even be there. it& #39;s like... you don& #39;t feel sick, but you feel completely off. when i started, i felt like this was how i was supposed to function and the higher dosage would likely lead to me feeling like i& #39;m as capable as i should be. i& #39;ve been steadly growing in dosage, but
once it hit a certain point, i felt as though it was worrying to me that i was only going to keep needing more and more as it becomes less and less effective. i& #39;m concerned and frustrated. i feel like i& #39;m a low value person if i& #39;m not accommodated by the drugs i& #39;m so reliant on.
it& #39;s getting to the point now that i wonder how much these things are actually even helping me, because i struggle to remember if i& #39;m better off without them. i have a lot of things i want to do... to be productive, creative, helpful, among several other aspirations. yet i lie in
bed contemplating getting out of it or not because it seems a lot harder to get up and preform basic tasks than it used to. it... feels like managing real world responsibilities are a walk in the park in comparison to managing my body to even be able to preform these tasks.
the process for knowing what works and what doesn& #39;t is very long. i completely stopped taking my medication for sleep because while it may knock me out, it feels 10x harder getting up, and the whole day feels like i didn& #39;t even take my adderall. as if i just BARELY scrape by if
i do. so, i stopped. here i am, typing this draft up at 5:28 AM on September 3rd, 2020. still not in bed.
i apologize for seemingly being aimless. i hope that paints a picture of how i feel about this situation. i am going to bed now. just needed to get it all out there i guess
i apologize for seemingly being aimless. i hope that paints a picture of how i feel about this situation. i am going to bed now. just needed to get it all out there i guess
