Hey all. I just wanted to thank you all who reached out today with your support. I know that you all have lives just as fraught and difficult as I do, so I know how draining it can be just to see someone else's daily struggle on your feed.

In the past I've tried not to share bad news like I did today with Momo's death. I don't want to take up anyone's mental space with my own troubles. Even today, I posted more out of love for my baby's memory than to seek personal support. She deserves to be loved, remembered.

She was an unbelievable joy in a time where universally, things feel grim. She left a hole in my heart that will never be filled. No kitten should die at 4 months old.

But this thread is about you, my friends. Thank you for your messages of support. Even those of you who left a simple like on the post, I saw that. Pets are by their nature ephemeral players in our lives. They come and go too soon, no matter how long you have them.

I'm really, truly thankful for the love you guys have sent my way. It's been a hard year for everyone, and honestly I was in pretty deep despair earlier today. I'm not a religious person but I still found myself asking why. Why her? She was so perfect, so young. She was so good.

Those questions have no answers, and i knew that even as I cried to the empty cat carrier she should have occupied. I knew that as I held Max, as he nuzzled me without knowing why I was crying uncontrollably.

I don't usually get anything from messages of sympathy. Honestly? I didn't read most of your messages. I couldn't bear to see you share my grief because mine was already too much to handle.
That was not a concept I realized before today.

I always imagined myself overly cynical, that I was unaffected by sympathy because it did nothing to ameliorate my own heartbreak. Today I realized that I can't stand sympathy because it feels like my grief is compounded, that I've injected sadness into the lives of others.