Thread by @NoraReed, i'm still playing the tutorial (ireland). anyway i'm trying to get this [...]

i'm still playing the tutorial (ireland). anyway i'm trying to get this guy (who i beat at war and made my vassal) to like me by engaging him in conversations about a topic i know we have in common: war

good news: this somehow works

i have a newborn son and i apparently have a hook on him if i want to imprison him

i have a large adult son

i love how it shows your most recent save family on the loading screen. look at my failson. look at my beautiful hair. look at my beautiful wife

brilliant idea https://twitter.com/ratbabyonline/status/1302059026746806272

https://twitter.com/ratbabyonline/status/1302059026746806272

my nine year old son is being bullied by a five year old who is a gambler

BAD NEWS EVERYONE I DIED AND NOW I HAVE TO PLAY AS MY FAILSON.

I FELL OFF A HORSE AND DIED.

a dude came to my court and begged to be let to join my court and i let him join my court without making him convert to catholicism

but he still hates me because he hates catholics?

MY BISHOP FUCKED MY WIFE

filling in lovefriend

the bishop died

this nine year old just fabricated a claim on me. do i kill her?

To the hysterical Petty King Brian,

look at my horrifying son

i just joined a holy war without realizing it's in northern africa. its gonna be over by the time any of my troops get there probably

i did a big siege and got a bunch of prisoners and then the war was nullified because the main target died and now they're languishing in my prison until their loved ones can afford to pay ransoms

i founded the kingdom of ireland. i am a high king now

my horrifying son and heir is finally of age so i can die now if i need to. i married him to the smartest woman in the world

i ended up skimming a strategy guide while trying to figure out how to build siege units and my favorite strategy is now to besiege wherever your enemy's wife lives so you can ransom her

i love that this is somehow my business

look at my good son!!!!!!!!!

my good son has been murdered

bee cure bee cure bee cure bee cure bee cure

now THIS is drama

i am dead

you know how your son and heir is named briain brian at first? well good news: this character named his son brian so i'll just have a straight up brian brian

i think the game has given me the option of calling the cops on myself which will make me lose favor with myself

oh that's really cool, if you win a crusade and have picked a beneficiary you get the option of switching to playing that character after the win.

i cannot believe someone named Scandal would do this

uh tw for incest on this one though it's not graphic or anything. i caught my first son having an incestuous relationship with his sister and was only given the option to either throw them both in jail or cover it up. so i threw them in jail and executed my son

everyone is mad at me for this because i'm a kinslayer now but that son sucked ass and my second son is extremely competent for a royal so

i am not allowed to ransom my daughter to myself

i have held a feast. there was a stew disaster but everyone likes me again

people get really mad when you kill your sons but like. what if they have bad vibes?

basically, i accidentally gave a petty kingdom to one of my sons on its own and not as one of my duchies, and now i have killed his wife so he can't have any more kids and am working on killing his daughter while he's in prison in scotland.

i have been excommunicated. this is the second time. i keep fucking with the pope

the son i accidentally gave a kingdom to has married again so i'm working on killing this wife too. i'm real stressed about it

jesus christ you botch an assassination of your own grandchild once and everyone gets super fucking pissed at you

oh good the son died. i just have to make sure his kid doesn't grow up and i'll have that kingdom back

oh weird i got one of the counties back and i guess he lost the other one in a war with scotland. i will win it back that is easy

the king of scotland keeps writing me letters like "hey i think we should be buds, write back soon, luv king of scotland" which is funny because i did invade him and imprison his wife for like a year

this is an amazing "someone died" screen

this is just cute. look at them!!

i love when you find out a secret and it's just "they have a Lover" like ok thanks spymaster good to know they are fucking somebody

i always wonder about how they find that one out. because like, it has to be they ABSOLUTELY know that they're fucking somebody, but they do not know who. unless there's a pregnancy involved i do not really get how they know this

like if you catch somebody fucking you know who they are fucking usually it seems like.

i do not know who this woman is or why she is my rival and has attempted to kill me with scorpions. she looks rad as fuck though

she lives in northern africa and not even on the coast!! what is she doing!!

my spymaster and daughter-in-law is trying to seduce me

i made her stop and now she has found a plot against her. and also created a clone of herself to discuss the plot with

i died and am in hell now.

i appreciate that the game confidently tells you your character went to hell

to be clear: it's completely right. that guy did, some murders.

im playing his son and its a lot more chill now. we won a crusade and then just immediately lost the land we won in the crusade to jihad. which, like, whatever? holy wars are super profitable because you capture so many family members in sieges

my son was murdered but my other son is better anyway

a four year old is blackmailing me and i accidentally closed the window and now he has exposed me as a murderer