So earlier today I put some menthol crystals in my bath water and it was an enormous mistake.

Ever wondered what putting that mint shower gel on your privates but times 1000 would be like? Oh you have? Well now, I have just the thread for you...

1/

It started innocently enough. The proper purpose of menthol crystals, which are a thing a bit like a kind of solidified peppermint extract thing... Is to put a teeny weeny bit of them in a bowl of steam or an inhaler pot, when your nose is stuffy.

Ok

2/

I hear you can also put them in Epsom salts (plain bath salts) in very dilute quantities and have a nice minty bath.

And I was going in the bath.

So what the hell, made up inhaler thing (really simple one, looks like this), hopped in bath.

3/

I put a teaspoon in each.

A teaspoon in the inhaler was way too strong.

Apart from feeling a bit oily like a bath pearl would, the teaspoon didn't seem to be making much difference to the bath water.

I decided to pour 2/3 of the inhaler mix in the bath & top up with hot.

4/

The water was going cold though... But wait... In summer/autumn bath water doesn't go cold inside 5 minutes?!

Then my privates started tingling. Like with that mint shower gel. Noticable but nothing too insane.

But hey, my nose was doing great so there's that!

5/

I decided I had overdone it a bit on the bathwater. Nevermind. I would wash my hair quick and get out...

So, in this menthol bath I had already decided was too strong, like the genius I am, I laid back, and dunked my head in it, face under, the lot.

6/

Now I had menthol oil not just waist to toe minus a massive bit round my knees, I had it all over.

It was about this time that "oh that water has gone cold" turned into "ice, ice, this is painful, feels like ice".

Oh fuck.

7/

I opened my eyes as I was sitting back up... Wrong. Menthol oil in the eyes is awful.

So awful in fact that I took a sharp inhale of air. Also wrong. Up the nose it's awful too.

Then effectively blind, scared and helpless I shouted for help. You guessed it. Wrong again.

8/

So taking stock a moment there's me, can't see, eyes burning, nose burning, mouth over minty, starting to shake from the cold I know isn't even real, can't even get to the shower to get it off...

In runs the help. One of the kids.

9/

Kiddo gets the over bath shower to an acceptable temperature (which in their opinion is far too hot) and I am frantically rinsing off all over. Still burns to breathe, can't see.

Get enough oil off that I can get an eye open for a flash second, if I shut it straight after.

10/

I stand up, skin now feeling like I am being blasted by a blizzard sideways, all orifices burning with mint, half crazed with urgency and shivering.

And then I stumble and nearly fall over, because I am shaking. Which is super crap when you can't see.

11/

So change of plan, I get Kiddo to help me down to kneeling and pass me the shampoo and the blandest soap, so I can get to wildly washing myself, with my eyes shut, like that rat in the viral video.

With as much off as possible, I hoped the bath towel would take off more.

12/

I happen to have a good working knowledge of what bathrooms at any given temperature feel like... Bathroom must have been a cozy 18c in reality, felt more like just above 0c. Remember, still can't really see, so getting dressed was fun.

The kids helped me to the sofa.

13/

On the sofa everything felt like ice. The kids loaded me up under blankets and duvets, put a fake fire simulation on the TV, offered warm drinks, or to call Daddy, or my friends, or an ambulance .

We settled on hot water bottles and don't touch me.

14/

It was about then that my heart rate decided to start playing up. Now this has happened before so I can't conclusively blame the menthol, but it would be a hell of a coincidence if it wasn't.

It was more than an hour wearing off.

Meanwhile I am still freezing, but not.

15/

My whole skin felt las if a block of ice were pressed up against it. My pajamas reach just past my knee with a t-shirt top and every time my leg or arm moved and touched new covers it was ice cold like in the morning sometimes in winter... But so too the hot water bottle.

16/

It occurred to me I could be burning and not even know it. I asked the kids to hug the hot water bottle. They were pretty sure I wasn't gonna burn from it, but I didn't want to take chances.

In my core, I felt snuggly warm, but frozen all over the outside.

17/

During the whole 2-3h the intense cold chilled my skin, even though the insides of me were fine (not just during the time my heart was racing then not racing) I was flushing in waves of cold and hot, even though I stayed cold outside, warm inside.

I can't explain better.

18/

I also felt a bit sick.

Roadside Dad came home and we decided that if my body wanted to be sick, I should get on with it, so why not try eating something then because if I hold it down or if it triggers sick, either has to be positive?

Warm mushroom soup was sent for.

19/

As the soup arrived and I rotated and heaved myself from lying across the sofa to sitting up on it, I let out an almighty belch. Even he was impressed.

I was freaked out.

It tasted menthol. I hadn't drunk any menthol. When I sat up from the bath it only went on my lips.

20/

Is it possible the evil menthol had entered my bloodstream via the skin, or was there so much in my airways it was coming up as taste?

I don't know. The soup was normal though. I felt a bit better so more beige food was sent for- cheese on toast. That also helped.

21/