Something about this just hasn’t left me and since seeing this video I’ve felt a bit shit.
I’ve known for years my dad will never shows he cares. I’ve never needed him cause my mums been amazing. Yet here I am feeling crap that someone doesn’t want to be in my life.... https://twitter.com/itsmymatepaddy/status/1300198428522295300

I’ve felt down and empty. I’ve felt shit. My mums infinity times the dad he could ever be. Yet here I am upset that someone doesn’t want to raise me as their son. He never saw me play football, he never talked to me about love and dating. He never taught me anything of value....

I joke when people ask me my full name “oh my middle name, it’s the only thing my dads ever given me that I can keep!”
He’d drop a card off occasionally as a kid for birthdays but he never came to the parties he never took us anywhere to celebrate.
When I was younger I wanted..

To be in a job where I could work at home so that when I had kids I could be there for them all the time. I wanted to be a better dad than what my dad was, not hard all things considering. There really isn’t much at all that he could teach me about being a father.....

Hes admitted over the years he’s been a poor dad. He’ll be the first to admit it but that doesn’t make it any easier. As I got older I started to worry “what if I’m as bad a dad as he is? What if I’m wired like him and not like my mum in that respect?”.....

The sad thing is although I’ve never needed him in my life they’re times I wish he was. Times I wish he’d make an effort. Times I wish he’d come through for me. And that’s when the line “how come he don’t want me man?” Really hits home.

I think about all the things I’ve done...

And achieved that he’s not been here for:-
Playing football
Golf competitions
Learning to drive
Birthdays he missed out on
Telling me about dating
Telling me about growing in to a man and seeing it
New jobs and promotions
Working hard so that I don’t end up in debt like he did

Why wasn’t he there when my gran died and I had no one to support me cause I was trying too hard not to break down in front of the people I was supporting
Why wasn’t he there to help me through break ups when I thought the world was caving in
I know I don’t need him for anything!

I know if I become a dad or a step dad I’ll be better than he ever was or ever will be.

I’ve not needed him for 30 years. I’m still standing. I know I don’t need him now.

I’ve been brought up by women, 5 amazing women and 2 men. My uncle and one of my aunties are like 2nd parents to me. My grandad and gran would’ve done anything for me. My great aunt and my other aunt would’ve as well.....

The last woman to mention is my mum. Infinity times a better dad than my dad ever was. A proper rock for us growing up. Worked her ass off after my dad left her in debt. She might be a pain in the ass at times but she’s my hero. I know a lot of people say that but it’s true...

Without her and the other amazing people that brought me up when my dad fucked off I don’t know where I’d be. I’m lucky I had that support and that love cause I know not everyone does.