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THREAD
For @AdamCrigler
Now, you KNOW I like Tim, right?
I'll talk about my own experiences in this area.
For @AdamCrigler
Now, you KNOW I like Tim, right?
I'll talk about my own experiences in this area.
First, I tuned into the show because I truly admire your unflappability.
It's almost nonexistent in today's world.
You refused to be drawn into it, regardless of the siren song of the old maxim:
When in danger
Or in doubt
Run in circles
Scream and shout
It's almost nonexistent in today's world.
You refused to be drawn into it, regardless of the siren song of the old maxim:
When in danger
Or in doubt
Run in circles
Scream and shout
Last night an old friend called.
She's been through hell.
Her entire career was destroyed over ONE innocuous tweet.
A person can never quite assimilate that, especially when the people fighting hardest to destroy you are your "friends."
She's been through hell.
Her entire career was destroyed over ONE innocuous tweet.
A person can never quite assimilate that, especially when the people fighting hardest to destroy you are your "friends."
Every single person I've ever known except for two have let me down, so I'm always prepared.
My two best friends--and I mean people who I genuinely loved--sought me out. I didn't think they knew I was alive.
The friendships were based on conversations.
My two best friends--and I mean people who I genuinely loved--sought me out. I didn't think they knew I was alive.
The friendships were based on conversations.
We met every day and talked for two or three hours.
These men were loners, but they had insatiable curiosity and the ability to talk about any subject.
In time, we got into our personal lives, and they shared things with me that they'd never told anyone.
Why?
These men were loners, but they had insatiable curiosity and the ability to talk about any subject.
In time, we got into our personal lives, and they shared things with me that they'd never told anyone.
Why?
Because they knew that I wouldn't comment UNLESS ASKED.
It's the same with my friend whose career was destroyed.
She's the first person to be totally canceled on every level, and the attacks and blacklisting have only intensified.
I just listen.
It's the same with my friend whose career was destroyed.
She's the first person to be totally canceled on every level, and the attacks and blacklisting have only intensified.
I just listen.
In time, she began ASKING ME for advice.
The reason she was so cagey is that every single person she's ever known has criticized her or tried to control her behavior.
We don't share certain beliefs, but last night was the first time she asked if I agreed with her.
The reason she was so cagey is that every single person she's ever known has criticized her or tried to control her behavior.
We don't share certain beliefs, but last night was the first time she asked if I agreed with her.
Now, I'm pretty sure almost nobody "gets" her.
She's EXTREMELY idiosyncratic, but I knew that long before we became friends.
Like my other two best friends--who are long dead of asthma and suicide respectively--SHE sought ME out.
I had no plan to try and befriend her.
She's EXTREMELY idiosyncratic, but I knew that long before we became friends.
Like my other two best friends--who are long dead of asthma and suicide respectively--SHE sought ME out.
I had no plan to try and befriend her.
What she does is say things and wait for a reaction.
She HAS TO DO THIS, because most of us have experienced a friend suddenly turning on us do to something we said in an unguarded moment.
So she MUST test people.
I fully understand and accept this.
She HAS TO DO THIS, because most of us have experienced a friend suddenly turning on us do to something we said in an unguarded moment.
So she MUST test people.
I fully understand and accept this.
When you've been betrayed so many times, you can never fully trust someone.
We met in person once. She knows I'm always armed, so before we met, I told her that I would not be armed at our meeting.
We met in person once. She knows I'm always armed, so before we met, I told her that I would not be armed at our meeting.
"I'm not worried," she said. "Everyone there will be armed."
So I arrived, and a bunch of friendly, bearded MMA types let me in and watched me like a hawk the whole time.
She has to worry about obsessed fans.
Well, I'm a fan of HER, not her career.
So I arrived, and a bunch of friendly, bearded MMA types let me in and watched me like a hawk the whole time.
She has to worry about obsessed fans.
Well, I'm a fan of HER, not her career.
She'd be the first to admit that she's...unique in the way that she exists in her private life.
BUT.
To be someone's friend, YOU MUST ACCEPT THEM ON THEIR TERMS.
If you can't, then you must walk away.
It's VERY wrong to try and change someone.
BUT.
To be someone's friend, YOU MUST ACCEPT THEM ON THEIR TERMS.
If you can't, then you must walk away.
It's VERY wrong to try and change someone.
So last night, she said something and asked me what I thought about it, and I said quite truthfully that if the people she spoke of wanted to do what they're doing to others, they free to have my wrecked brain and blood and ears and spine and hip and eyes.
She laughed and said, "C'mon, man! You're not up on your conspiracy theories! You're totally behind on your conspiracy theories!"
Then she rattled off a whole bunch of them, and I replied truthfully to each one, and we both ended up laughing about the world.
Then she rattled off a whole bunch of them, and I replied truthfully to each one, and we both ended up laughing about the world.
Does she believe these things or not?
IT DOESN'T MATTER.
All that matters is that I'm a safe harbor.
She gets to say whatever she wants without me criticizing her or injecting MY opinions.
And I mean I don't say a word.
IT DOESN'T MATTER.
All that matters is that I'm a safe harbor.
She gets to say whatever she wants without me criticizing her or injecting MY opinions.
And I mean I don't say a word.
All I do is ask for more details if I don't understand.
The only people I've EVER laid into are the ones who say, "YOU'RE WRONG AND AN IDIOT."
If they say THAT, they get THIS.
The only people I've EVER laid into are the ones who say, "YOU'RE WRONG AND AN IDIOT."
If they say THAT, they get THIS.
It's the SOUND that I love.
Sure, the flames are impressive.
But that roaring noise is pure POWER.
I've only had to do this a few times in my life.
The crisped and deafened "friends" always ran away and never came back.
Sure, the flames are impressive.
But that roaring noise is pure POWER.
I've only had to do this a few times in my life.
The crisped and deafened "friends" always ran away and never came back.
My communist New York brother called at the height of the pandemic in his ruined city.
He uses the persona of a patient nun to say massively insulting things, but for the first time he dropped all pretenses and screamed at me like Hitler about @realDonaldTrump.
He uses the persona of a patient nun to say massively insulting things, but for the first time he dropped all pretenses and screamed at me like Hitler about @realDonaldTrump.
I had him sit at his computer, and I debunked his first accusation with the NEW YORK CITY DEPARTMENT OF HEALTH AND MENATL HYGIENE.
"Mental hygiene."
What a terrifying, Orwellian term.
My communist brother was silent for almost ten seconds.
"Mental hygiene."
What a terrifying, Orwellian term.
My communist brother was silent for almost ten seconds.
The he Hitlered out ANOTHER accusation.
I debunked that one.
Ten seconds of silence.
We did this TWELVE TIMES, and then he simply went back to the beginning.
He's a closed system.
I debunked that one.
Ten seconds of silence.
We did this TWELVE TIMES, and then he simply went back to the beginning.
He's a closed system.
Now, when he did that to my Las Vegas brother--a fanatical Trump supporter like me--my Las Vegas brother used the flamethrower on him.
We haven't actually seen him since 2013, at our parents' respective funerals.
And he called just to insult us.
We haven't actually seen him since 2013, at our parents' respective funerals.
And he called just to insult us.
I don't want to hear from him ever again.
Blood is NOT thicker than water.
RESPECT is all that counts.
If you have a friend, you do not DISRESPECT THEM by trying to change them.
Discussions and calm arguments are fine.
ONLY IF BOTH PARTIES AGREE TO HAVE THEM.
Blood is NOT thicker than water.
RESPECT is all that counts.
If you have a friend, you do not DISRESPECT THEM by trying to change them.
Discussions and calm arguments are fine.
ONLY IF BOTH PARTIES AGREE TO HAVE THEM.
And THAT is how I've maintained my close friendship with my star-crossed friend.
It doesn't matter what she really believes.
She just wants to talk about these things without someone telling her she's wrong or crazy.
It doesn't matter what she really believes.
She just wants to talk about these things without someone telling her she's wrong or crazy.
I RESPECT her, and I knew exactly what I was getting when I went into the friendship.
She's told me things that she's never revealed to anybody else, but they are ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS.
This is one of the most creative, insatiably curious people who ever lived.
She's told me things that she's never revealed to anybody else, but they are ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS.
This is one of the most creative, insatiably curious people who ever lived.
Because of her curiosity, she's done things just to see if she could do them, and the result is spectacular.
Things I never even imagined.
BUT FUNNY AND BENIGN. Inventive. Wild as hell.
She's bottled lightning.
I NEVER criticize her under ANY circumstances.
Things I never even imagined.
BUT FUNNY AND BENIGN. Inventive. Wild as hell.
She's bottled lightning.
I NEVER criticize her under ANY circumstances.
I must be her safe harbor.
I perfectly understand her reluctance to put her experiments in a book.
She's spent decades under attack for been insane.
I'm a psychiatric patient, and people attack ME for being insane.
You know why I laugh?
I perfectly understand her reluctance to put her experiments in a book.
She's spent decades under attack for been insane.
I'm a psychiatric patient, and people attack ME for being insane.
You know why I laugh?
They'd survive three seconds inside my head.
AND.
I cured myself of "incurable" psychiatric conditions.
The medical literature is far too broad. If you're willing to be totally honest with yourself, you can BREAK THE CHAINS THAT BIND YOU.
But.
AND.
I cured myself of "incurable" psychiatric conditions.
The medical literature is far too broad. If you're willing to be totally honest with yourself, you can BREAK THE CHAINS THAT BIND YOU.
But.
It requires solitude.
In the Kurt Russell masterpiece "Soldier," a woman asks him what he feels in combat.
Like me, he was trained to feel nothing.
Initially he has no answer.
As she finally turns away, he blurts, "Fear."
She turns back to him.
"Fear and discipline, Sir."
In the Kurt Russell masterpiece "Soldier," a woman asks him what he feels in combat.
Like me, he was trained to feel nothing.
Initially he has no answer.
As she finally turns away, he blurts, "Fear."
She turns back to him.
"Fear and discipline, Sir."
EXACTLY.
When I deconstructed and rebuilt myself, I felt terrible fear, but I had the self-discipline to do it.
I'm the only member of my family to undergo talk therapy, and I told the therapist to hit me as hard as he could.
He was intrigued and agreed.
When I deconstructed and rebuilt myself, I felt terrible fear, but I had the self-discipline to do it.
I'm the only member of my family to undergo talk therapy, and I told the therapist to hit me as hard as he could.
He was intrigued and agreed.
He got to know me at first, and then we began.
HE WAS NOT CRITICAL.
He spoke the truth, and he always asked how I was doing.
"Keep going," I'd say as the sweat poured off of me.
He was absolutely right about THIS:
HE WAS NOT CRITICAL.
He spoke the truth, and he always asked how I was doing.
"Keep going," I'd say as the sweat poured off of me.
He was absolutely right about THIS:
"You see yourself in a romantic light, as the hero in a Brönte novel, standing on the cliff as the breeze ruffles your hair, contemplating and LOVING the terrible tragedy of your existence."
Caspar David Friedrich, Wanderer Above the Sea of Fog (1818).
Caspar David Friedrich, Wanderer Above the Sea of Fog (1818).
See, I had to find out the REWARDS I got from hooking up with psychos and MASSIVELY abusive "friends."
Predators.
The psychiatrist cut his fee by two-thirds when I went bankrupt.
He wanted to keep going.
And HE ended the sessions after 18 months.
Predators.
The psychiatrist cut his fee by two-thirds when I went bankrupt.
He wanted to keep going.
And HE ended the sessions after 18 months.
He said he'd done all he could. The damage was too great, and the best I could manage would be to recognize FASTER that I'd gotten myself into the same situation I had before.
Then I could extricate myself sooner.
He was spot on.
Then I could extricate myself sooner.
He was spot on.
My final relationship was five years after my psychotherapy, and it was the worst one ever.
A predator courted me for 18 months and finally invited me to Amherst, Massachusetts.
I have a weakness for dancers. She was a dancer.
A predator courted me for 18 months and finally invited me to Amherst, Massachusetts.
I have a weakness for dancers. She was a dancer.
She looked exactly like Audrey Hepburn, but with wild blonde hair and piercing blue eyes.
We wrote and talked by phone for over a year.
Then she invited me to Amherst.
Thus began the most comprehensive mindf*ck of my entire dating career. Too gross to get into.
But at the end, she smiled at me like Kim Novak in Satan's Triangle.
Then she invited me to Amherst.
Thus began the most comprehensive mindf*ck of my entire dating career. Too gross to get into.
But at the end, she smiled at me like Kim Novak in Satan's Triangle.
I still had several more predators to get through before I became a hermit.
It's necessary for my survival.
My people-chooser is broken and can't be fixed.
BUT.
I had two of the best friends a person can have.
It was enough.
It's necessary for my survival.
My people-chooser is broken and can't be fixed.
BUT.
I had two of the best friends a person can have.
It was enough.
I wish you all the success in the world.
And I'll try to make our paths cross in the future.
I'll be using another name, but I'll make sure you know it's me.
I'm betting you can't provide a vegan meal that I'll love.
Prove me wrong, pal.
END
And I'll try to make our paths cross in the future.
I'll be using another name, but I'll make sure you know it's me.
I'm betting you can't provide a vegan meal that I'll love.
Prove me wrong, pal.
END
ADDENDUM:
I don't know how this happened, but people think I'm leaving Twitter.
I said I would try to cross paths with @AdamCrigler under a different name. As in, I hope to MEET HIM AND HAVE DINNER WITH HIM IN PERSON.
If my plans work out, he may want to have me on his show.
I don't know how this happened, but people think I'm leaving Twitter.
I said I would try to cross paths with @AdamCrigler under a different name. As in, I hope to MEET HIM AND HAVE DINNER WITH HIM IN PERSON.
If my plans work out, he may want to have me on his show.
