When my parents got divorced (and I only know this bc I was being nosey and found some photos and paperwork my mom had to use in court) my dad petitioned for custody. His sole reasoning was "I can raise her cheaper." https://twitter.com/NoEmmeG/status/1301218568982401025

My entire life, he blamed child support for shortened/canceled visits, for the reason he didn't have any money (I always went to my maternal grandparents for something first and when my mom asked why I didn't ask dad, I'd say "Daddy doesn't have any money bc of child support."

My father's child support was like $100 and change a month.

My step-dad and I hit a crazy rough patch in my teen years. I was like "I'ma go live with my dad." Mom was like "Ok. Call him." She knew his ass was gonna be like...

To the point about what you know about your child, I was into ALL KINDA SHIT in high school. Hell starting in middle school. The ONLY reason I wasn't considered a "troubled kid" was because I didn't fight and I had excellent grades + extra curricular and all that...

... But I was a troubled kid. I stole, I lied, I was having sex early (I skipped a grade so I felt pressured to keep up with my friends who, at only a year older, felt MUCH older then). Everytime mom called to fill him in, he was like "I don't want to know."

NEEDLESS to say, as I became an adult our relationship was severely strained. Growing up and seeing your parents as just people, being able to measure their decisions against your own awareness of life at their various ages, comes with either grace or resignation...

... for me it was the latter first, because he would give blanket platitudes about not being a good dad but not actually want to discuss how his behavior impacted me or my sister directly (and these dads will learn - your kids feel all of this shit)

I did love him. I have AMAZING memories of him from childhood. We never found a comfortable groove in adulthood because my directness about the fissures and cracks were uncomfortable for him. He was passive aggressive or aggressive - no in between.

I know some fathers have had unfair experiences with child support and custody. I also know my own dad cried and moaned about child support for decades - even lied about my sister's (and then was mad I already knew the truth from my step mom so he couldn't get away with it)

It was part of what destroyed our relationship, because once I really did need him to come through - which he always claimed he was working to do, and I didn't ask him for shit my whole childhood for that reason, he still had excuses. Even now, I don't understand WTF he was doing

I remember one of the last times I spent significant time with my dad, we'd invited him to spend Christmas with us (me, mom, Grandma). I love my mom's cooking, but we have different tastes and cravings, so when I'm in SC she doesn't factor me into the meal schedule.

This is going back to OP's tweet, at one point while my dad was there mom cooking something that had something I don't eat - mushrooms or too much ginger or something. I don't remember. It was like the third meal my dad had heard me say "nah, I'm good" on.

Again, my mom expects it. I learned how to cook basic things early bc I was very specific about how I wanted my food to look + I'm weird about textures and mom was like "Nobody has time, Naima. You do it the way you want it."
So he says "I never knew you were such a picky eater"

I'm like 35? 37? Somewhere in there when this convo happens. My mom just busts out laughing.
Mind you this man had me for summers from ages 6-11.

How do you not know that about your child?