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When I had brain surgery, I woke up with a lot of "obvious" issues stemming from my brain injury, like memory issues, executive dysfunction, anxiety.
One thing that wasn& #39;t as obvious and took me a long time to realize is that my "internal world" was gone.
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One thing that wasn& #39;t as obvious and took me a long time to realize is that my "internal world" was gone.
I used to fall asleep every night thinking up of stories and characters and events. I would daydream about different settings and worlds and create my own worlds with stories.
My dream since I was a child was to become a fiction writer, and I was writing A LOT since I was young.
My dream since I was a child was to become a fiction writer, and I was writing A LOT since I was young.
It was a place of escape to create worlds and characters and weave them together. I shared them with the world online, and I also went to sleep at night with them.
Suddenly, I could barely put my thoughts into words. A while later, I realized that I was experiencing Aphasia.
Suddenly, I could barely put my thoughts into words. A while later, I realized that I was experiencing Aphasia.
There are 3 types of Aphasia:
https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🗣️" title="Silhouette eines sprechenden Kopfes" aria-label="Emoji: Silhouette eines sprechenden Kopfes">Broca& #39;s: Where we understand but can& #39;t put into words.
https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🗣️" title="Silhouette eines sprechenden Kopfes" aria-label="Emoji: Silhouette eines sprechenden Kopfes">Wernicke& #39;s: Where we seem to speak fluently, but it often doesn& #39;t make sense (and we don& #39;t know we don& #39;t make sense)
https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🗣️" title="Silhouette eines sprechenden Kopfes" aria-label="Emoji: Silhouette eines sprechenden Kopfes">Global Aphasia: Can& #39;t comprehend or form words https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/aphasia/symptoms-causes/syc-20369518">https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-...
For years, I thought it was just that I was very mildly Aphasic. Mine was likely Broca& #39;s Aphasia, or "nonfluent aphasia"/"comprehensive aphasia."
I understood perfectly well what people were saying, and I knew what I wanted to say, but the words won& #39;t come out eloquently.
I understood perfectly well what people were saying, and I knew what I wanted to say, but the words won& #39;t come out eloquently.
As a "Writer," this was extremely damaging to my self esteem and my self identity. Poetry, Prose, Essays, Fiction, everything used to come so easily. I used to blog multiple times a day, and get in lively discussions on Social Media with friends and foes at all times of the day.
Suddenly I could barely write few sentences to share about topics I deeply cared about on Fb. (I do wonder if my pull towards Twitter was the letter-limit; Everyone had to make do with 140 letters so I didn& #39;t feel as much pressure to be eloquent?)
For years, I stopped writing.
For years, I stopped writing.
Over the years my writing improved a lot. I can write blogs, I write as job, and I& #39;ve published eBooks.
When I published my "Intro to AWS for Newbies" ebook, my mom said "You published a book! It wasn& #39;t exactly the book I was expecting but you did it!" https://ebook.introtoaws.com"> https://ebook.introtoaws.com
When I published my "Intro to AWS for Newbies" ebook, my mom said "You published a book! It wasn& #39;t exactly the book I was expecting but you did it!" https://ebook.introtoaws.com"> https://ebook.introtoaws.com
My mom knows how much I used to love writing, and how I wanted to become a fiction writer when I grew up. And she saw that I stopped writing after my brain injury.
Honestly, we were just so glad that I kept my languages, and I COULD successfully struggle through school/work.
Honestly, we were just so glad that I kept my languages, and I COULD successfully struggle through school/work.
For years, I thought it was "just my aphasia" that kept me from writing anything other than technical documentations.
Recently, I realized that my "inner world" was gone, and that it& #39;s been gone for years. It& #39;s been gone since I had brain surgery in 2011. I didn& #39;t even know.
Recently, I realized that my "inner world" was gone, and that it& #39;s been gone for years. It& #39;s been gone since I had brain surgery in 2011. I didn& #39;t even know.
My "inner world" allowed me to write stories and weave together scenes. Without it, I feel like it& #39;s almost impossible to write fiction.
Everything I think about is task oriented. I don& #39;t daydream about the future or vacations. It& #39;s what needs to be done today/tomorrow.
Everything I think about is task oriented. I don& #39;t daydream about the future or vacations. It& #39;s what needs to be done today/tomorrow.
Everything I think about is rooted in reality and what was/is/will be in the past/present/future.
One of these days I would love to compensate for the lack of "inner world" and write a fiction book. It& #39;ll be a lot harder than it would& #39;ve been presurgery. But I hope it& #39;ll happen.
One of these days I would love to compensate for the lack of "inner world" and write a fiction book. It& #39;ll be a lot harder than it would& #39;ve been presurgery. But I hope it& #39;ll happen.
Until then, I& #39;ll be writing my blog, writing technical documentations, and thinking about reality. https://hiroko.io"> https://hiroko.io
