Aight yal it’s STORYTIME! I’d like to name this story “Ra Ta Ta Ta, the Ghetto” a short story about my boob surgery yesterday.

I truly don’t know where to begin but let’s start with my God given titties, God was in a rush and gave me some lil joints with a lil hang to em, and thank you cuz I know you barely had that.

So I decided at the top of the year that I wanted new boobs and I was gonna get them before my birthday (October) 1 way or the other....and did bitch.....but the journey was so ghetto at the end.

So I was referred a really popular surgeon in Miami who does all the New York bartenders and the Atlanta B list celebrities so I was pretty confident on his ability to snatch these flap jacks up and stop these rug burns my original titties we’re giving me

So anyways, I sent the pictures of my original titties to my soon to be surgery coordinator, got the price quote, paid it (even tho these niggas that be in my face should of)and set the date it’s lit, bye bye saggies you’re outta here! Breast lift and silicone implants

So like with all agencies everybody is all sweet, professional and helpful BEFORE they receive your payment, then when the check clears it’s “Aight bitch, imma fuck with ya” which is alright with cuz I don’t care bout shit but ATLEAST do shit right!

So first of all you need with a caretaker to come with you to surgery OR pay for a recovery house and since I’m cheap a recovery house was NEVER an option and there’s only 3 men I trust with my life 1 is my dad so no, my dog he doesn’t have thumbs so no, and my ex

So me and my ex yal might know him cuz we went viral Atleast 10x during our beautiful relationship don’t be getting along like that cuz we broke up a year ago but we’re in contact cuz we co parent our beautiful son Gotti the pug

So any way even tho we don’t have a sexual relationship anymore since we broke up my baby daddy agreed to come to Miami and be my caretaker and escort for my boob surgery, a true king

When I tell you there’s so many exams for boob surgery it was so stressful I had to do my ekg over 3x and literally didn’t get cleared for surgery until 6 days prior to the scheduled date! I was stressed but I got it done fast forward to 2 days ago......

So pre-op is the day before surgery when the clinic gives you a covid and drug test, you take pictures of your raggedy real tits, set your expectations (with a coordinator not your actual doc, this will come into play later) and get your surgery time.

Being that my baby daddy was doing me a favor and reaps no benefits of these new titties I was working on his time, I told my coordinator “my caretaker lands tomorrow at 9am I don’t wanna cut it close put me down a lil after that” she tells me 11am but let me get clearance, BET!

I leave the clinic, which was honestly an awful experience I was there 3 hours just to piss in a cup, I go back to my hotel, I realize it’s 5pm and I haven’t gotten the 11am surgery time clearance so I call, “oh we’ll call you in a hour and confirm” hour comes no call.

I start getting obnoxious and start calling every 15 minutes, like my surgery is in 16 hours and I have no scheduled time confirmed and yal keep saying yal gone call back and don’t and guess what happens? 7pm hits the office is closed my surgery is the folllowing day with NO TIME

so at this point I say to myself, soon as my dog’s father lands we just gonna go straight to the surgery and aim for the time she was trying to get clearance on I was instructed to not eat or drink water Atleast TEN HOURS BEFORE MY SURGERY so I prepared for 11am stopped midnight

This is were the story is about to get EXTREMELY GHETTO!!!!

I take my last sip of water at mignight before my surgery. Now ITS SURGERY DAY! my dog’s father lands and gets to the hotel 10am perfect! We can get there 1030 I call the Uber then cancel it immediately, I say to myself “let me FUCKING MAKE SURE these niggas expecting me....”

BITCH! I call my coordinator and tell her I’m on my way BUT I was never confirmed a surgery time, she’s like oh my assistant didn’t call you yesterday? I said she sure did and said A HOT NOTHING! She’s like oh well this has never happened before. Ok bitch but it’s happening now!

I hate when you tell a business about their short comings and they be like “oH nEvEr sEEn tHis beForE” bitch there’s a first for everything and here we are...FIX IT!!!

She’s like ok let me call the Dr. and call you back. It’s 10:05 when she calls back. I hear a stupid voice on the phone say “Ok Julie, your surgery is 5pm” I woulda spit out my water but I haven’t had any since midnight, oh I’m bout to SPAZZ!

I tell my coordinator “MAM. I haven’t eaten or drank water since MIDNIGHT I need this surgery NOW, it’s 92 degrees in Miami and I’m EXTREMELY dehydrated” she says WELP I’m sorry, don’t drink water, see you at 5” wow.....

I say ok “see you at 5, oh and you are extremely unprofessional and ghetto have a blessed day” and hang up. So now its 92 degrees I haven’t had water in 10 hours won’t have any for another 10, I’m SHAKING from anger, so I go to sleep to reserve my limited saliva.

I wake up at 4, me and my baby daddy get to the clinic 430, I walk up to the window and say hi I have a 5pm surgery, the clerk smiles and shakes her head and looks down, I say “Problem?” She says girl he’s so backed up you looking at 8pm...... pardon, BITCH WHAT?!

See I kno me, I’m not the most patient and I tend to be a tad violent, I laugh, 1 of those psycho bitch anger laughs. I say “Mam, imma just go and come back cuz I KNOW ME” she gon say..... you can’t leave once you’re here you gotta stay and wait for the nurse........

I lean in closer to the glass and say, I dont think you understand, it’s 90 degrees, I haven’t had an once of food OR water in 16 hours are you serious?” she’s says “sorry and continues scribbling what appears to be nothing or maybe hangman to pretend she’s working.

“Have a seat” she says but this ghetto ass clinic only has 4 chairs and they’re all occupied” my baby daddy takes off his bookbag and tells me sit on it” shortly after they give him my prescriptions and he keeps me company for an hour then goes south beach to waste time.

I play on twitter for 2 hours to waste time then I hear my name called I’m like YES! It’s an earlier surgery time! But nah they just finna waste my time some more but just with me in a robe

I’m in a cold room with a robe on, my dry ass butt exposed in the back, and a bonnet, I get bored and FaceTime Lex, and then my baby daddy. I call my mama she says “I love u, safe surgery, and if not pass me straight when u see me on the other side, you gave me hell” how sweet

Time goes by then FINALLY a knock on the door! Could this be my surgeon?! Nope just my anesthesiologist coming to ask me questions. My eyes were opened so wide thinking it was surgery time he said “why you looking at me like that, expecting someone else” I said actually yes

The anesthesiologist was a big black man and when he asked me if I was “Weady” instead of “Ready” I automatically knew he was Haitian, I said Im Haitian too make sure I wake up! He was so excited and started asking me mad Haitian questions, this played out great he gon look out!

So now the anesthesiologist knows I’m Haitian too he gets comfortable and starts the exam. Any allergies? No. Take any medication? No. Any chance you could be pregnant? No. He continues, “why not” I say cuz I’m inactive, he smiles and says “Why?” Oooo we 6 figga nigga!!

The anesthesiologist is on me ok stinks?!!! But the love of my life is my escort so I MINDS MY BUSINESS. He finishes the exam then goes gets my surgeon and tells me he’ll see me in the operating room...... my surgeon arrives...FINALLY!

My doctor is probably the only person including me in this story that’s not ghetto, his last name was Jewish so I assume that’s what he is, he was very nice and direct. Introduced himself and asked me to derobe to show him my wack ass titties that I would not be missing!

I derobe and show him my flap jacks, he says “ok so we obviously have some sagging here” I’m like OKAY RELAX BUDDY he sees my face and immediately tries to spare my feelings and says “that’s not a problem tho easy fix, these are going to look amazing when I’m done with you!

I reach for my phone and TRY to show him the pic of double D’s I was starting to request, he cuts me off and says no need to see, I’m not giving you porn star breats, my main objective is fixing this sagging, safety first! I can’t give you a lift AND hugs breast safely!

So now I’m dehydrated, spent mad bands and now you giving me small titties AGAIN?! I said can I Atleast see what size I’m getting? Nigga gon tell me,”you gon see when you wake up”

Man like everybody punking me today like whatever! My boyfriend, I mean anesthesiologist comes back in the room and escorts me to the surgery room. I get on the table and they start prepping me for surgery. He’s tapping my wrist, arms, everything NO VEINS! DEHYDRATION!!

Now I got 3 doctors circling me nobody can find a vein, they smacking up my arm and sticking me up like a bank robbery! 7 damn holes in me from these damn needles like a damn dope fiend, then I hear a woman’s voice, a black woman’s voice “man what are yal doing step aside!”

This black woman nurse does in 30 seconds what these 3 big dummies couldn’t do in 15 minutes, first attempt, finds a vein, starts administering the anesthesia smiles at me and says “black girl magic” and walks away, bitch..... that fucking touched my heart.

The doctors look at each other dumbfounded and continue my anesthesia. My anesthesiologist puts on my mask as I faintly see my doctor walking in, I hear I want you to breathe hard then I pass out. I open my eyes BITCH YAL STILL OPERATING ON ME?! I pass back out, woke up during!

The next time I wake up its the right time, Im on a stretcher with clothes on and people over me making sure I’m awake. I’m unaware of where I am and dazed I jump up and try to hug the first person next to me, all the nurses screamed “NO LAY DOWN” Oops clearly I’m not home

I lay back down, now my body is shaking UNCONTROLLABLY, like I’m not cold but I’m SHAKING PERFUSLY! I had to control my breathing it still wouldn’t stop, I’m like this a heart attack? NURSE. HALP! She looks up at me unimpressed and continues writing. Oops false alarm I’m ok

They put me in a wheel chair and roll me out, I see a man as I’m rolling, I’m like is that Morris Chestnut in his prime? Nope it was just my baby daddy

My baby daddy brings me in the Uber I’m fucking OUT of it! The cab driver of course a white man cuz they nosey as shit starts asking me maddddd questions, my dumb ass really answering him, I kinda like the guy, he drives us to the pharmacy.

We get to the pharmacy there’s a cop car parked doing surveillance. Son as my ex hops out the car to get my prescriptions he throws on his sirens! BITCH I FORGET I GOT STITCHES IN MY CHEST I JUMP UP CUZ TODAY I GOT TIME CUZ!

My ex turns around and looks at the cop car and then we realize it’s for the driver cuz he was in the handicap spot I mean I was ready to die so that was a lucky cop, anyway baby daddy proceeds into the pharmacy and walks back out immediately NIGGA WHERES MY DRUGS?!!!

He looks at me slowly and says “Babe the pharmacy closed” LMFAOOOOOOOOO NIGGA WHAT?!!!! I jump up out the uber(5 minutes off and operating table) and stumble into the pharmacy LET ME SPEAK TO A MANAGER I JUST DID MY TITTIES I NEED MY MEDS OR I WILL DIE!

The manager with her thin ass cat hair says “mam I’m sorry I don’t have the keys to the pharmacy I’m legally not allowed to” I walk out back in the Uber “ take me back to the clinic now!!!” He’s more than happy to help and we go and run RIGHT into my doctor as he’s leaving

I faintly say (cuz I’m dead ass still drugged up” Doc I need a new prescription the pharmacy closed and didn’t even tell us they were closing the same exact time the persription was estimated to be ready, he says I can’t prescribe you percs twice it’s already on the computer

Aight bet so you’re telling me I just did a major cosmetic surgery and I gotta go to sleep with no meds????? Homeboy says “get some Tylenol until the morning, sorry” and leaves. Nigga basically said “drink some tea”

I get BACK in the Uber, he takes us BACK to the pharmacy and I get bullshit Tylenol and Gatorade cuz mind you it’s now 11pm and I havent had a lick of food or water in TWENTY THREE HOURS!

The cab driver drops us off at the hotel, looks at me and says, I’m going to think about you when I go to sleep tonight, I really pray you’ll be alright. Man that shit was so sweet, God bless that sweet colonizer

We get back to the hotel they give my ex a wheelchair, he rolls me to the room, puts me in the bed and hand feeds my my Tylenol and vitamins

I lay back in the bed and my ex takes me leg by leg to put me in the bed stops and says “DAMN HER COOCHIE LOUD” my nigga I ain’t bathe in 24 hours and I’m dehydrated you serious right now, he’s like no but you do need to shower you got that loud pack

I’m in bed pain not bad at all, but I Def can’t sleep PLUS I have no meds, a complete mess but I’m alive and guess what??? They just called me 5 minutes ago to tell me my check up was at 11am today and they forgot to tell me I’m on my way there now THE END.

My whole surgery process from the time I left Atlanta til now and my recovery is being video recorded and vlogged to see this whole story in video form, uploading Friday please sign up to my patreon at http://patreon.com/girlfyou  to watch EVERYTHING! that’s my time yal!