Alright. How to find love on Twitter: 12 no-brainers (or so one would think) for the ladies.

I'm doing this while I work, so forgive delays.

Men, please feel free to blast and correct me where I'm wrong.

#Thread

1. Show your face. Because men are visual. Try not to post a version of your face that will change dramatically if you go swimming or dab a little micellar water on it. There's a point at which makeup becomes deception. Deception is a bad foundation (no pun intended).

2. Don't show your body. Because men are visual . Rumor has it no serious man wants what every man has seen. And do you really want to be with that the man who 'remembers' to 'check on you' on the day you show your cleavage or thighs? Rearryyy?

NEVER, EVER SEND OR POST NUDES!!

3.  I gather men don't like noise. They like peace. But they like to engage. Tweet sense and clean fun. Find that happy medium between tweeting too little & tweeting too often.

"Haya, kalale sasa" = you've tweeted too much.

"Welcome back" = you've been tweeting too little.

4. Be your authentic self. Someone will love you for you. If you can't cook, or hate cars, don't pretend you can or don't. Don't plagiarize - it's hard to keep that up. Don't try to be like anyone else. YOU have something - plenty! - to offer without being a photocopy.

5. Be polite. It's so interesting to me how rude women are on these streets. Yes, people can be so annoying, but even when you snap, it does not have to be F this, B that, katambe katambeeee!! everywhere, insulting people your age, your father's  age and your children's age.

Calm down. And be nice in real life. It doesn't matter how many cute emojis you use online. Your real personality will come out when you're stopped by a cop, or he misses your call, or a waiter gets your order wrong. Let politeness be a genuine part of your authentic personality.

6. Don't take men for fools. They know that photo of that half-dressed lady in that five-star hotel room that she can't afford with her receptionist salary was not taken by a sister, a friend or room service.

If you want true love, ditch fake love (sponsors) & fake lifestyles.

7. Reply DMs. The most interesting friendships I've made here have been those I made with people whose DMs a slay queen would ignore. These men are deeep. They're serious. They're real. They're hilarious. They mean business. They pray. They're good-looking!

8. Learn to creatively hint at what you have to offer. After lipstick, nails, cleavage, legs and booty, ehe? What else? Honestly speaking, this does not have to be done on purpose. Chema chajiuza. If it's not showing, then it's not there. Find something to do with your life.

Who goes to bed thanking God for you? What are you doing that God is smiling about? What is your calling?

You'd be surprised how many eligible men make time daily to read your tweets but never post a single comment. Ruth had no idea Boaz was watching/investigating who she was.