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some thoughts about this fic in no particular order (like things I couldn't fit in to the actual text but they still form part of the story in my head, and so on) https://twitter.com/disasterbyes/status/1300940303059300353
Type and Thorn turn to each other in their immediate grief because they are the two who loved Tharn most dearly. Thorn is blindsided by the death of the baby brother he had always protected. Although their age difference isn't large, Thorn never imagined Tharn dying before him
Thanya is grief-stricken too, but she is younger than them (in my head and so this fic it's about fifteen years which might be bigger than in canon) and steps up in the moment to take care of the family when Thorn (who normally takes on that role very well) is unable to do it.
Tharn's death marks the moment when Thanya and Thorn's relationship moves to more of an equal footing, to fill the gap left by the previous dynamic of two openly doting brothers and their perfect little baby (even in her 40s) sister. They take more family decisions together.
Thanya has a great supportive husband (I just wanted that for her okay) who is very calm and quiet and not even slightly intimidated by his brothers-in-law. He's a large part of why Thanya is able to manage her grief better than Thorn and Type. They have a large, warm family.
Tharn's mum is still alive at this time but too frail to be in the hospital with her son, though she is at the funeral. Thorn's wife and children are around too, but he shuts himself off from them in his grief and takes a long time to open up again. We see Type's side of that+
+at the first Christmas but Thorn is also thrown back into his grief that night. They were united in grief but unable to help each other move on. Both needed other loved ones/professionals for that. Thorn and Tharn grew more alike in looks over the years and that hurts Type, too.
Type doesn't remember the funeral or most of that first month before Champ and Techno forced him out of the house. Techno got the keys from an equally worried Thanya when Type stopped responding to any messages or calls after the funeral (he was at home, catatonic with grief)
first of two things I put into the text because they're vital to Type's character as I see it: the return to therapy and the fact he's been in therapy for much of his life, on and off. He feels ashamed about returning but he knows that's illogical, grits his teeth and does it.
the second: Type is gay. This is really important. My reading of the ep. 6 "I don't want any man but you" line is that Type concurrently: coming out, falling for Tharn, and acknowledging his trauma is why Tharn is the only man for him, *not* that Tharn is his no-homo exception
Type never wanted kids and that stayed consistent throughout his life. He doesn't regret it when Tharn dies and that isn't why he's lonely - it's because Tharn is gone and there's no fix for that.Type has too many nieces and nephews to count and they love him very dearly +
+ He is the uncle you can go to completely confidentially about the really important and painful things, and once the older cousins know that about him they make sure the younger ones know it too. His advice might be blunt at times but it's always loving and clear-sighted +
+ Type actually worries that he's not a very good or fun uncle in the traditional sense and doesn't realise for a long time that these worries are unfounded.
None of the kids understand why outsiders think he's terrifying or Tharn is intimidating - what a crazy idea! +
None of the kids understand why outsiders think he's terrifying or Tharn is intimidating - what a crazy idea! +
+ Over the years they become first port of call for breakups, drunken nights out gone wrong and, eventually, one coming out.
Type grumbles about their revolving door but (deep down; Tharn knows) he is pleased and disbelieving that he is trusted and loved unreservedly in this way
Type grumbles about their revolving door but (deep down; Tharn knows) he is pleased and disbelieving that he is trusted and loved unreservedly in this way
Similarly, Type is really worried when he turns to teaching that he will be a mean, harsh teacher.Actually, his natural caution/worry over this and his lessening need for trauma coping mechanisms over the years mean he is one of the most gentle professors in the faculty. +
+ a strict and no-nonsense marker, but a deeply human teacher who never tries to talk down to his students.
He is particularly good with the difficult students, the ones who lash out for 'no reason'. He ends up chairing the faculty's disciplinary/remedial boards for this reason.
He is particularly good with the difficult students, the ones who lash out for 'no reason'. He ends up chairing the faculty's disciplinary/remedial boards for this reason.
I started the fic based on the thought: what fades over the years about grief and what stays sharp. Type loves Tharn so much and so selflessly that all of their fights become meaningless once Tharn isn't there to argue with - what would be the point? This means that +
+ although his grief initially carries self-reproach (the paragraph about cooking), over time this fades. The way he holds and honours the memories of Tharn after Tharn's death becomes the next part (and a significant one - a quarter of his life!) of Type's journey/relationship +
+ with Tharn. They make memories together, and Tharn dies, and then Type, as a part of his grief and the resolution of grief, in a sense re-makes those memories again into something precious that he holds close to him, a piece of Tharn in the long years without him. +
His need to be touched, however, is more like a missing limb that he never gets used to living without, and the absence of it aches always
Type accepts being touch-starved over the option of touching not-Tharn but the conscious nature of the choice doesn't make it easier to bear
Type accepts being touch-starved over the option of touching not-Tharn but the conscious nature of the choice doesn't make it easier to bear
culture often consigns anyone but the young to the dustbin when it comes to real/normal physical desire. It was important to me to show that Type at 70 wanted Tharn more than he did at 60, and much more than he ever had done in his 20s, 30s etc.This pain only grows over time
Thanya lives in a big rambling house. She works from home as a piano teacher. After Tharn's death, she and Type grow very closeWhen Type gets dementia, she insists on caring for him until the end at home. Her loving husband and kids shape their lives and finances around this
After Type dies Thanya takes a long time to grieve. She is 65 and has been caring for him increasingly over nearly two years, tending to him physically multiple times a day at the end.Because of her he dies at home in as much comfort, familiarity and love he can understand +
+ When he dies, she finds herself mourning both him and Tharn with a raw grief that shocks her, but for which her husband has been braced. They take a few months away from home and the routine it upsets her to think about now that Type is missing from it. She begins to recover.
finally, one thing I really wanted to work in to the last chapter but couldn't find a way to do it organically. When Type is forgetting his present and remembering his past with Tharn, he reminisces about how his 40s were the time when he loved Tharn the best. +
+ Not the most, that only grows with time. But the best. Done with the drama of their 20s, and the decisions over family and career of their 30s. Their 40s were happy and settled and Tharn was so handsome, somehow more attractive twenty years in than at the start, the bastard. +
+ Type was most peaceful in his 40s, his least difficult years. After youth and before the years of loss (health, mobility, physically pain-free youth, parents, friends) began. In his mind, he thinks he must have been easiest for Tharn to love in these years, least hard work +
+ As with much when it came to Type's deep views of himself, this wasn't matched by Tharn's experience of the same time.
Their 40s were very happy, but he doesn't see them as any more precious than the years he spent with young, angry Type or 50-something Type losing his parents
Their 40s were very happy, but he doesn't see them as any more precious than the years he spent with young, angry Type or 50-something Type losing his parents
Still, those are the years Type remembers most fondly, and that is the version of Tharn he misses the most in private, even though his conversations with friends focus on their raucous teens and 20s, and his anecdotes for family centre on the adventurous travels of their 30s.
here end the misc. thoughts I wanted to share because I see this fic as complete (I don't want to write any more of it) but I found it very interesting to think about. Happy to chat about any of it as well
