tw / drinking , abuse

i remember i actually wanted to discuss why i wrote flash the way i did in this drabble but i never got the chance to, so here’s this thread!

flash and sci twi are both asian. but flash is east asian (korean) and twi is middle eastern (arabic). https://twitter.com/soulmatesentrys/status/1284850619891757060

despite both of them being asian, they’ve had different upbringings & that is partially due to the culture of their families. the other reason is because flash’s parents are more, let’s say, modern and understanding in their kids’ mental health. whereas twilight velvet... isn’t.

flash’s parents have never raised their hand on their children before. of course they’ve relentlessly scolded them when they’ve done some shit but they’ve never hit them.

twilight’s parents, or at least twilight’s mum, has.

and that’s not to say it isn’t wrong how twilight’s mum raised her hand on twilight (you can say shining is also a victim of this), the important thing people (specifically western people) seem to forget is that hitting your kids is so fucking normalised.

as an asian myself, you have no idea how many times my mum has said it’s normal to hit their kids. and i’m not here to argue if it is or isn’t. it really depends on a lot of things like situation, consequences of wrongdoing, or ways to teach a kid a lesson.

i didn’t want flash to be inconsiderate. he’s twilight’s boyfriend, he knows her culture, where she’s from and from how he knows how normalised it is, you can say he has a pretty good idea of what it’s like without experiencing it.

hitting kids inflicts trauma on the kids, no matter what culture. twilight’s experiencing this by using drinking as a coping mechanism, despite the fact she’s not much of a party girl. she’s doing something reckless while still in shock and fear over what happened.

i feel like western people (white mainly) or people with good parents don’t understand this as well as the culture thing and decide to be rash about their decision to save this person from their household. but people need to understand that it’s so much harder than that.

twilight says “i can’t even move out”. asian parents a lot of the time have such control over their kids’ lives. so much so that they try to make sure their kids stay near them until they’ve got jobs. some asian parents don’t even let their kids move out when they’re 18.

flash understands this. that’s what i want from people when i tell them what’s going on in my family life. flash even says “i can try make the wait easier for you”. the wait means until twi goes to college. flash says this to mean that if this ever happens again, she can +

stay over at his or she can tell him and trust him with this. i don’t have that privilege. all my friends live far away and my mum wouldn’t even let me go out when she’s pissed at me.

it’s so hard for people who are the victim of their parents’ unnecessary scolding to leave their parents. because we’re conditioned to think it’s normal. it’s not. twilight’s mum had no good reason to get mad at twilight, especially when she’s this A* student.

she had this pent up anger against twilight doing specific things she didn’t deem right. like sleeping with flash, or even flash in /general/. asian parents nitpick so much, if they don’t approve of something, even if it’s not inherently WRONG, they still get mad.

this is also the case with muslim parents too and twilight’s mum is both. flash acknowledges this and doesn’t push too far. he doesn’t encourage her to get help because while drunk twilight knows hitting kids is considered normal amongst asians, sober twilight will forget +

and try to brush the topic along because it’s so sensitive. he knows she’s not in a place for advice, for things she doesn’t want to hear.

and believe it or not, telling them that their parents shouldn’t do this makes the person feel worse. i don’t know how to explain it but +

we know and it’s not comforting. flash doesn’t say this, he just provides a safe place for her to come to because that’s what she needs.

my mum has done a lot of things for me but i still remember when she’s hit me before. i shrug it off.

you have to realise that we know it’s wrong but it’s NORMALISED. doesn’t mean it’s right, it means we think it’s normal that we shrug it off. you guys can’t keep telling us it’s wrong while we’re in pain. it’s not helpful.

flash doesn’t say “omg i’ll get you help” because that would freak twilight out even more. flash says “it’s not the time for that” because it isn’t. twilight’s hurt, she’s scared. getting help at this moment, especially when she can’t, she’s a high schooler, will cause her more +

anxiety. she needed comfort and nothing more.

this thread is messy and i might have left out some other bits but this is why i wrote flash like i did. this is what i want someone to be like if one, they’ve never experienced this, and two, i’ll trusting them with this information

if i don’t want you to call any expert, please /don’t/. i don’t care if you think it’s the right thing to do. i’m not ready. all i need is someone to listen to me and be my safe place.