Hi my name is Keith. On top of having many physical health issues I have been on pain meds and benzos for over 20yrs and when I got off them between attacks and when my bipolar is gone manic I substituted pills for stimulants including cocaine. #mentalhealth #AddictionRecovery

I ’m not proud of it, and I’ve hid it from the people that matter for many years but today I made a change. I decided enough was enough and I went for help. I came to emerge and told them I was an addict and I wanted help so I could stop using. I’m now admitted to hospital.

I feel incredibly stupid for my choices, I feel like I let everyone down, and i feel like I’m pretty worthless. But the nurses and mental health workers have been great so far. But I have a long road. One I intend to travel and never get off.

I’ll always be an addict as once your an addict your always one. But I intend on being clean and the only drugs in my system will be prescribed. Today is day one of official treatment but I’ve been cocaine free for 3 days. Laughably low numbers but I had to start somewhere.

So as of today which is day 3 in hospital I am:

Overnight was rough. withdrawal is starting to get worse. Anxiety and depression are way up, can’t get warm or I’m sweating to death, fatigue is somehow getting worse and my insomnia is I don’t know how but even worse. #AddictionRecovery

Shakiness and motor skills are impaired. Dropsies are happening more often. And I’m a showing some paranoia. Hopefully they are it and don’t get horrible. I’m also starved to death and had one craving for yogurt lol #AddictionRecovery

Sleeping isn’t happening currently, not at all. All part of it I’m told.

Tuesday 50min(4 clonazapam 0.5mg given. - admitted
Wednesday 0 sleep (4 clonazapam 0.5mg & 2 Ativan 1mg pill given.) #AddictionRecovery

Working on paperwork I was given to try to give me a foundation to work on. #AddictionRecovery