To fellow freelance journalists of colour up stressing at night, struggling in a Covid-19 world.

When the pandemic peaked I lost my regular work. At 29, I considered moving back with my mum because I couldn't pay rent.

Despairing, I said to a friend, "I feel like a failure."

"Struggling is not the same as failing" she said.

"Needing somebody does not mean that you failed. People do a really good job at making things look easy. NONE of this is easy. For some born into advantage, they are successful because they've had all these lifts & boosts."

"You make sacrifices not just as an individual, but even with your family. Our expectations are skewed when people hide how hard it has been, when people are not honest about how much it costs to do the things that you love," she added.

"Struggling is NOT the same as failure. Giving up on yourself, OK. But you haven't stopped trying, you haven't stopped striving, dreaming and thinking. You're not failing. You're struggling. And you're not alone in this." I'm up thinking about her words and clinging onto them.

If you don't hear back from an editor, when you have mounting bills, ideas to write into existence, it is crushing. But you are more than bylines + the rat-race of 'productivity'. Getting through the day and eating well enough is damn productive. So, be easy on yourselves <3