I’ve been in Rwanda for a while now and I’ve had something that I never had in Canada: time. Now this is tricky because every single thought I had been avoiding because I was too busy working and studying came back knocking the moment I landed. /1

I remember having everyone around describe me as relaxed/cool when nothing else could be further from reality. I would be panicking about a thousand things while looking as If nothing could ever bother me. I sat and thought about how I reacted to bad situations /2

And I’ve realized that it wasn’t just me but all the Burundian/ Rwandan people I had around me. We have a way of falling apart while looking calm, serene and composed. We will still show up to work, laugh and go home and no one will know /3

We talk a lot about living in the moment but I don’t think I knew how to live in the bad moments. I knew I had to wake up and fix things but never really sat and thought about the impact that those situations had on me /4

We are always told «  kwihangana » when bad things happen but maybe we shouldn’t. Maybe we should live those moments, cry, call in sick and let things out until we are empty. I realized I had never really moved on from many things because I never actually lived them /5

It all comes back eventually,in forms we don’t always recognize. I guess what I am trying to say is find a safe place,a safe person. Mourn, cry, scream, let go.
I was lucky I had the time to unpack but It was/is a heavy process and it’s not something we should go through
/6