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All these relationships I've been in over the years and coached have taught me the truth:
BPD relationships must be approached and "handled" in a different way than your "normal" relationship. 1/n https://thehelptalks.com/facts/f/7-stages-of-relationship-with-person-with-borderline-personality
BPD relationships must be approached and "handled" in a different way than your "normal" relationship. 1/n https://thehelptalks.com/facts/f/7-stages-of-relationship-with-person-with-borderline-personality
I put "normal" in quotes because every relationship these days is going to have some sort of craziness.
You may not realize this, but BPD is pretty much mainstream now with most people having several BPD traits.
You may not realize this, but BPD is pretty much mainstream now with most people having several BPD traits.
So, the truth is that you really must assume that every person you date will have some level of BPD.
This is the safest approach in my experience.
Of course, there's a likelihood that your partner won't have BPD at all. In that case, congratulations.
This is the safest approach in my experience.
Of course, there's a likelihood that your partner won't have BPD at all. In that case, congratulations.
You will have an easy time. So be grateful.
But for 99% of us, you had best be prepared.
To not prepare yourself for the worst case scenario is to invite trouble.
But for 99% of us, you had best be prepared.
To not prepare yourself for the worst case scenario is to invite trouble.
The way to solve this problem?
Like I said above:
Assume the people you date have BPD. Just be safe and assume it from the beginning.
That way, you'll be prepared for any warning signs that creep up as you get to know the person.
Like I said above:
Assume the people you date have BPD. Just be safe and assume it from the beginning.
That way, you'll be prepared for any warning signs that creep up as you get to know the person.
When I started doing this, I stopped getting into the common problems that men and women always experience in BPD relationships.
I have been in my fair share of BPD relationships and I was sick and tired of it. No more, I said to myself. It's not fun. Better safe than sorry.
I have been in my fair share of BPD relationships and I was sick and tired of it. No more, I said to myself. It's not fun. Better safe than sorry.
Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst. That is my motto when it comes to dating.
And, it's actually a wise way to approach relationships. There's just too much at stake when you get into a serious commitment.
A divorce can ruin you. Having children changes everything.
And, it's actually a wise way to approach relationships. There's just too much at stake when you get into a serious commitment.
A divorce can ruin you. Having children changes everything.
So, I take relationships very serious.
In this hook up culture that we live in, you're encouraged to not take relationships seriously.
It's truly mind-boggling because I can't think of many things that are more serious than giving a part of yourself to someone else.
In this hook up culture that we live in, you're encouraged to not take relationships seriously.
It's truly mind-boggling because I can't think of many things that are more serious than giving a part of yourself to someone else.
Can you?
Thus why the whole idea of having a "casual" relationship makes absolutely no sense.
You're either in it or you're not.
And don't get me wrong:
Thus why the whole idea of having a "casual" relationship makes absolutely no sense.
You're either in it or you're not.
And don't get me wrong:
It's perfectly okay to not be committed to a relationship AS LONG AS you're not leading the person on. It should be pretty obvious that you're not serious. Don't be a liar.
When I am dating someone, I make a decision early on if I'm going to invest my time in this person.
When I am dating someone, I make a decision early on if I'm going to invest my time in this person.
I look for the warning signs and I generally go with the flow.
As long as things are good with no drama or warning signs, I see the woman as a potential long-term partner.
As long as things are good with no drama or warning signs, I see the woman as a potential long-term partner.
But once I see warning signs, or she starts some drama over nothing, I then remove myself from her emotionally. I know that it will only get worse here on out.
There are no "second chances," or this idea of "she'll get better..."
No, it won't get better.
There are no "second chances," or this idea of "she'll get better..."
No, it won't get better.
It will ALWAYS get worse. These first warning signs are a gift: they give you a glimpse into her TRUE self.
Brush it off and I promise you that it will only get more and more toxic as time goes on.
Brush it off and I promise you that it will only get more and more toxic as time goes on.
So, once I write this person off, I'll keep them around in my life as nothing more than a hook up. I am removed emotionally. But, I'm not about to cut them completely out of my life. Not yet at least.
Takes a little bit more disrespect to do that.
Takes a little bit more disrespect to do that.
Anyway, this is just how I approach relationships. And, it's rewarded me with some of the best experiences and friendships anyone could ever ask for.
Many of the women I've dated over the years are still my friends.
Many of the women I've dated over the years are still my friends.
This type of approach allows you to remain friends with ex girlfriends, which can be very rewarding.
Anyway, this is what I've found to be the best way to approach relationships in this crazy society we live in.
Anyway, this is what I've found to be the best way to approach relationships in this crazy society we live in.
NEVER get yourself into a serious relationship unless it happens ORGANICALLY on it's own over a long period of time with ZERO drama and warning signs.
That's my life-changing advice that I want to give you today. Thank you :)
That's my life-changing advice that I want to give you today. Thank you :)
