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sometimes I long for messy-sad lwj. instead of being quietly pining, quietly having his heart broken and quietly soldiering on, he is a mess, because he doesn't know how to be a person when it doesn't involve wei ying.
cw for self harm mention
cw for self harm mention
i had a whole thread like a month ago that got eaten, that was about this. about the idea of LWJ and WWX having a kind of toxic friendship - not a violent one, but, emotionally, because LWJ doesn't know how to feel like he deserves to be happy and ask for that -
and wei wuxian would rather literally throw himself off a cliff than face down his own feelings, and constantly twists it all up, constantly hurting LWJ with "so you like mian mian?" moments.
and finally lan huan comes home and to lwj on the bathroom floor with meng yao's gift bottle of 50 yr bowmore emptied because wwx has spent all day asking lwj for his opinion about guys on grindr or something, and lwj's lips are blue
so he wakes up in the hospital being told he's been transferred to PKU and he's flying out with lan huan as soon as they leave the hospital. his things are already packed.
and there's a setback after a phone call that ends with wwx offering to help lwj do a LDR with mian mian and lan huan is using every towel in the apartment to clean his brother up while calling his ER friend, NMJ, so no more unsupervised calls and the bathroom lock goes away
and lan qiren is still mad, says wangji doesn't need a therapist or pills, it's embarrassing the FAMILY. he's FINE. but lan huan keeps track of the pills, takes him to bi weekly meetings, and three months later lwj starts asking for things he wants and lan huan is so happy
so lan wangji buys new house slippers (white) (with bunny ears), and tells lan huan he doesn't like the soft tofu he always cooks with, and it's great.
he wants to go to the pastry shop with the donuts by chaoyang park, not the place lan huan always takes them, and lan huan is SO HAPPY because a zhan told him he *wants* something
so finally LWJ gets a playdate with WWX who's there to visit his shijie, and this time when wwx starts talking about mianmian lwj just grabs him by the shirt and kisses him and wwx is like oh - oh? oh! and wants another kiss
and lwj is like, only if you shut the fuck up about mian mian you idiot, and wwx is like yeah, okay, i'm sorry
and he talks about how oh hey he's a teenage alcoholic and that sucks because he wants to keep his liver, and lwj talks about his major depression diagnosis and the pills and how many therapists lan huan went through before they found a good one for him
and they are messy, sometimes they back slide, sometimes lwj has bad days, but wwx can figure out how to be there for those, give him space and his favorite tea, and lwj can recognize that scared feral look in wwx's eyes when he's having a bad day, and can pin him down
because he's learned wwx is more willing to talk about his feelings when he's being edged, and wwx has figured out lwj is more willing to talk about his feelings when he's being cuddled.
i don't really have much more than that. just, messy boys, having to learn the tools to be there for themselves, before they can learn how to be there for each other.
