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Being a neurodiverse parent with neurodiverse children, you learn, at some point, that 'normal' simply doesn't work for you.
Sometimes we go through long periods of frustration and hopelessness to get there.
A thread.
Sometimes we go through long periods of frustration and hopelessness to get there.
A thread.
My 7 yr old still sleeps in my room. She struggles to sleep. We suspect it's a melatonin issue. But it's more than that. She is in genuine distress if I'm not net to her at night.
And only at night. During the day she is incredibly independent.
And only at night. During the day she is incredibly independent.
We spent months, first before she was 2, then again a while when she was 4 and 5, trying to get her used to sleeping on her own. All it did was give her terrible night terrors, and result in sleepless nights for us.
So though my kids are 3 and 7... we all sleep in the same room.
So though my kids are 3 and 7... we all sleep in the same room.
They wake up before six. No matter what time they go to bed, no matter where they sleep, or what they are doing, they wake up at the exact same torturous time.
So when they wake, they watch shows on the phone for 30 mins to an hour, as we try to get just a tiny bit more sleep.
So when they wake, they watch shows on the phone for 30 mins to an hour, as we try to get just a tiny bit more sleep.
I've been sleep deprived for... almost eight years now. It messes with me. I've become much more apparent in my autism. Masking is harder. Speaking is harder. Everything is harder.
It's become the new 'normal'. But I have to remind myself that it's not normal.
It's become the new 'normal'. But I have to remind myself that it's not normal.
And some parts of 'not normal' are fine.
I'm not bothered with my kids sleeping in my room, as long as they sleep.
Other parts are challenging.
Watching a phone for an hour in the dark? Very bad for their eyes.
And yet right now, it's about survival.
I'm not bothered with my kids sleeping in my room, as long as they sleep.
Other parts are challenging.
Watching a phone for an hour in the dark? Very bad for their eyes.
And yet right now, it's about survival.
Some days, in a neurodiverse family, it's all about survival. It's not about what is best for anyone. It's about getting through the day with each other.
I look back and realize it wasn't any different for my family growing up. It was all about survival then, too.
I look back and realize it wasn't any different for my family growing up. It was all about survival then, too.
But while I choose to let my kids sleep in my room and spend more time than is responsible on the phone, my mother would choose to force us to sit at the dinner table where everyone would argue endlessly, and not have any spoons left to show us any actual love.
My childhood was pure neglect but hey 'at least she made sure we had dinner together every night'.
So... fellow ND families.
The same way NT society often doesn't work for us, NT way of raising a family doesn't either.
Just be careful what you use your spoons for -
The same way NT society often doesn't work for us, NT way of raising a family doesn't either.
Just be careful what you use your spoons for -
And remember that just because it's 'normal'.... doesn't mean it has to work for you, or that it's bad if it doesn't work for you.
Truly look at your children and yourself and what you need, and balance it out.
Don't forgo your needs for the sake of normalcy.
Truly look at your children and yourself and what you need, and balance it out.
Don't forgo your needs for the sake of normalcy.
PS. Anyone who comes here to bitch about 'normal doesn't exist' will literally be blocked, I have no time for that shit.
