Today’s topic on #mentalhealthmondays is Grief. This is a especially touchy subject bc everyone experiences grief differently and process it in different ways. I’ll be going through the 5 stages of grief and how this trauma can affect you throughout the rest of your life

I’ll also be sharing some of my experiences. Not only physical loss of a loved one- meaning d*ath but it could be an estranged relationship/ cutting ties with toxic individuals but they don’t have to be toxic at all too. Grief can come in different forms

We’re all familiar with the 5 stages of grief proposed by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her 1969 book, On Death and Dying.

Please keep in mind that everyone grieves differently. Some people will wear their emotions on their sleeve and be outwardly emotional. Others will experience their grief more internally, and may not cry. try ur best to not judge how a person experiences their grief, as each

person will experience it differently.

However this is just a general population explanation of the stages of grief:

Denial is a common defense mechanism that buffers the immediate shock of the loss, numbing us to our emotions. We block out the words and hide from facts

In front of us. Some start to believe that life holds no meaning, and nothing is of any value any longer. For most people experiencing grief, this stage is a temporary response that carries us through the next stage of pain.

2) “Anger may be directed at our dying or deceased

loved one. Rationally, we know the person is not to be blamed. Emotionally, however, we may resent the person for causing us pain or for leaving us. We feel guilty for being angry, and this makes us more angry.” (Psych central)

I find myself relating to this as i cut ties with people toxic and non toxic individuals and people who’ve I’ve loss to terrible sickness like cancer, i found that i was angry at them for not telling me sooner. For those who experienced someone who passed on due to MI

That anger/ bargaining can expressed in a similar way but also inward, “what could have i done? Why didn’t i do this for them..maybe they would’ve been alive” and truthfully you did the best you could in the moment. Its okay to forgive yourself in the healthiest way possible

Bargaining-The normal reaction to feelings of helplessness and vulnerability is often a need to regain control through a series of “If only” statements, such as:
If only we had sought medical attention sooner…
If only we got a second opinion from another doctor…

If only we had tried to be a better person toward them…

Guilt often accompanies bargaining. We start to believe there was something we could have done differently to have helped save our loved one.

There are two types of depression that are associated with mourning. The first one is a reaction to practical implications relating to the loss. Sadness and regret predominate this type of depression. We worry about the costs and burial. We worry that, in our grief, we have spent

less time with others that depend on us. This phase may be eased by simple clarification and reassurance. We may need a bit of helpful cooperation and a few kind words”(p.c)

The second type of depression is more private. It is our quiet preparation to separate and to bid our loved one farewell. Sometimes all we really need is a hug or support

Acceptance— unfortunately not everyone who experienced loss of any kind is granted this gift some may never go beyond anger or denial depending on the loss. I have yet to experience this myself. I find myself balancing btwn anger, denial and depression most days

The healing part is so complex. Esp regarding me losing someone i care abt to mental illness or cancer but if you ever been in a emotionally or physically abusive relationship with anyone in my experience i would experience justified anger of them but also a complex

Feeling of denial of ever knowing those people, or various incidents, but also missing the “good” times spent and bargaining of what could’ve been but holding onto to the idea of that bond. (Which is alot to unpack/ heal from)

“It is not necessarily a mark of bravery to resist the inevitable and to deny ourselves the opportunity to make our peace. This phase is marked by withdrawal and calm. This is not a period of happiness and must be distinguished from depression.” (PC)

Coping with loss is ultimately a deeply personal and singular experience — nobody can help you go through it more easily or understand all the emotions that you’re going through. But others can be there for you and help comfort you through this process.

The best thing you can do is to allow yourself to feel the grief as it comes over you. Resisting it only will prolong the natural process of healing.

In terms of Racial Trauma is different we see how vicarious trauma and collective grief (ex: seeing videos/ photos of p*l*ce brutali*y) or experiencing that trauma yourself evokes justified anger at systems who oppress harm and murder brown and black individuals

This gave rise to justified protests (not just present-blm but protests in history and need for not only equality but equity)Families who are victims of brutality, brown and black individuals who see these traumas everyday and having to hear abt it on multiple outlets is

Probably tiring emotionally, spiritually and physically. In general we see a complex jumping between the the first 4 stages of grief through different anecdotes. Though like the 5 stages of grief, trauma is also unique to everyone so I cannot speak for others.

Since i cant i would rather amplify voices. Some interesting podcasts to listen to :

Experiencing grief and trauma in the same time is probably the most hardest thing in the world. Remember to be kind to yourself everyday— remember that healing has no time limit. Grief impacts how see the world, how you see other people, your overall self identity

Your view of religion or a higher power. Do you trust no higher power? How abtYourself? Do you think life will always be like x? Do you believe that you will never find happiness after experiencing such a loss? If so know that it’s definitely an uphill battle and know that your

Experiences deserve to be heard. You deserve to experience support after all the pain, you deserve love and happiness for yourself. wishing the best for u all

Leaving this thread with this article https://www.mhanational.org/bereavement-and-grief