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Nothing can prepare you for the ways a loving & healthy D/s relationship can root out toxic patterns in your life (thread)
For me, realizing I was a sub meant realizing that my submissive energy was only healthy for me when it was flowing towards an accepting source that acknowledged me and provided limits and aftercare
"Submission" can only be given consensually, not taken by force, and especially not taken for granted with no reciprocity.
This concept slowly but surely reoriented my relationship with allllll the unacknowledged people-pleasing I was doing in my life.
First, I realized I was clinging to a few dying friendships out of a sense of obligation - friendships that didn't give back but couldn't let go of because I needed to be liked. I phased those out & redirected focus to friends who gave back to me & made me feel good
Next, I started to notice the inappropriate devotion that was asked of me in a workplace that espoused the "we're all family!" narrative while silencing my voice and blocking me from advancement (oh and showing open contempt for my queerness)
It took some time but eventually I bounced on outta there too.
Now I'm in the process of waking up to some inappropriate patterns in my family of origin, realizing that my people-pleasing tendencies stem from years of narcissistic abuse. It's terrifying, but I'm laying down boundaries there too.
I love to quote that saying that goes "people who have a problem with your boundaries benefitted from you not having any."
Beyond that, those people try to teach you that having boundaries is bad, even unkind or evil.
Beyond that, those people try to teach you that having boundaries is bad, even unkind or evil.
In my friendships, it looked like "why didn't you answer my text right away??"
At work, it was "you made me uncomfortable when you didn't laugh at my racist joke"
With family it has been "if you don't let me treat you however I want then you don't love me"
At work, it was "you made me uncomfortable when you didn't laugh at my racist joke"
With family it has been "if you don't let me treat you however I want then you don't love me"
Being a sub has shown me a world where my boundaries are not considered selfish or shaming. In fact, they're celebrated and encouraged. And anything short of that acceptance can frankly fuck off.
We can only be whole when we notice the flow of our own energy. More output than input? That's no good! You deserve to be acknowledged at the very least for all the beauty you bring into the world.
And this is reason number one billion why D/s relationships are not the weird, out-there power imbalance the culture loves to portray them as.
D/s relationships rest on a foundation of equality and communication that is largely unavailable or unnatural in other relationship formats. And by forcing us to advocate for ourselves, they teach us invaluable lessons that change our lives.
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