Thread by @coldbrewedtool, Right, I'm gonna read the antifa erotic novel, might livetweet it later [...]

Right, I'm gonna read the antifa erotic novel, might livetweet it later tonight

Folks, this congresswoman is working on some wild stuff

This reads like a rather poorly written antifa fanfiction, which honestly? Fuck it, why not

Not entirely certain this author understands the workings of legislature, regularly referring to legislators as the "congress team"

But I digress. Looks like MRAs don't like having to sign a pre-nup for payout of $1mil in the event of a divorce

Here we go, our handsome antifa supersoldier is making his first appearance

My breath got caught in between my throat

Could cut the tension with a knife, I'm telling ya

For anyone playing "bad fanfiction bingo," you can cross off the "heroine looks forlornly in the mirror and describes her own appearance, with "insecure looks that could kill" in the third person" square

Visiting your favorite place, but that you only go to occasionally

Antifa supersoldier makes another appearance, by stalking our congresswoman to her secluded waterfront spot.

>> sigh

NOT TO WORRY, THO, IT WAS ACTUALLY SERENDIPITOUS

Folks, this is 60 pages. I don't think I'm even like, 8 pages in. This is gonna be hilarious

How dare he chuckle

His name is CORNER SMITH

NOTED ANTIFA SUPERSOLDIER, CORNER SMITH

Nodding sagely, the sun beating down on my pasty white neck, my wispy tendrils of dark brown hair flying into my open mouth

This is why people hate romance fiction

Noted antifa supersoldier, fallen angel, CORNER SMITH

Looks like our villainous divorce bill author is named Benedict Wilbur, which is just

lmao

The vote has already passed, and you voted for it, I feel like we're past the point where your voice actually matters

Wait, Benedict's actually a comrade? What is going on

Also lol "head of congress house"

What an odd way to word "the paper in my pocket"

Oh shit, protesters have surrounded her house with rocks and guns in hand

HOW DARE HE, CORNER SMITH, NOTED ANTIFA SUPERSOLDIER

For you next stop on "bad fanfiction bingo," please check off the "extremely minor injuries from shattered glass lead to catastrophic blood loss and your hero comes in last-minute to save you from drifting off to the big sleep"

Seriously this is a masterclass in how to write your standard YA fanfiction, please folks, take note

Just incredible, folks.

Turns out her injuries were, in fact, minor. (Thank god)

As is logical, she's taken up residence at Corner's house

I am seriously enjoying myself. Reminds me of the Jonas Brothers fanfictions I used to write as a young teenager (which, in case you were curious, YOU WILL NEVER FIND)

Okay, I need to take a break to prepare to record a really dope @proteanpod episode with some fantastic folks, will return to this thread later

OKOK FINAL TWEET BEFORE I RECORD BUT THESE REVIEWS ARE ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS

ALRIGHT, HERE WE GO - livetweeting the rest of

MY ANTIFA LOVER: A RIOT OF THE HEART: A STEAMY ROMANCE AGAINST FASCISM**

**And by fascism, we mean really weird divorce legislation that MRAs fucking hate

As a recap: Hardworking and emotionally unavailable congresswoman Alexandria has voted for shifty legislation that she apparently didn't *read* first, and begins to have regrets after she meets our steamy sharp-blue-eyed antifa supersoldier, Corner Smith

Violent antifa protesters converge upon her house, although its strategically not a protest target of value as she only supported the legislation and wasn't the author of the bill?? Really unsure of how she fits into the "congress team" honestly

Bricks and bullets fly with abandon, and she suffers only minor injuries from shards of glass, and wakes up to find herself in the hospital with the mysterious Corner Smith staring back at her

lmao the head of her security's name is...Roddick? Is that a name?

lmao "If looks could kill, he'd be dead by now" lmao WHAT

Dr. Charlie.
And Susan.

*shrug*

HOW DARE HE

A necessary requirement of being a beautiful fallen angel, our antifa supersoldier king:

A stupid, gorgeous face

There's alot of shit going on with our congresswoman's soul

For anyone still playing along at home, you can cross "bit my lip to stop the painful groans from escaping" off your steamy erotic fanfic bingo card

These tense changes are giving me whiplash

Ah, there is again: super duper detailed appraisals of oneself in the mirror

No one actually looks at themselves in the mirror and goes " my lips were a little bit swollen"

lmao

WHO THE FUCK USES A STRANGER'S TOOTHBRUSH

bruh, Corner RUN

"Maybe it'll make a difference."

"I didn't care if it made a difference or not"

These two are arguing about how, exactly, a tiger broke its legs as they watch a nature documentary

what

Keep in mind, the last time she slept in his bed was like, 26 hours previously

This is such an odd, odd story

GASP.

BETRAYAL

AS PALE AS A POTATO

knock knock knockin' on fastasy's door

Seriously there is absolutely no plot to this
At all

I'm honestly impressed at how this story is able to continue without a single shred of plot

It's just meandering along

I have no idea what's going on

Benedict Wilbur is about to EXPOSE CORNER - AKA CHRIS - FOR THE FRAUD THAT HE IS

seriously, this has absolutely no bearing on their relationship

They haven't even kissed yet

Steamy romance my ass

OH SHIT, ANTIFA SUPERSOLDIER CORNER SMITH IS ACTUALLY CHRIS WILBUR, SON OF THE VILLAINOUS LEADER OF CONGRESS HOUSE, BENEDICT WILBUR

lmao they met like, two days earlier

What that fuck

I KNEW IT WAS SOME TYPE OF TRAP

Man, if I was trapped in a burning building I really don't think I would patiently wait for my own horrible, god awful death

Oh fuck, WHO'S STILL PLAYING BAD FANFIC BINGO

WE'VE GOT A CHANGE IN POV

Yes, the way to tell that a man is now narrating is to aggressively refer to themselves as a "dickhead" and say he is "devastated as hell"

Oh boy.

Dude gets rejected for being a giant fucking liar and he responds by calling nonstop for two weeks and then hiding a GPS tracker in her car

I am just dying at the image of this dude's toes curling around the accelerator like a fist

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