I’ve been thinking about the concept of being “not disabled enough” for certain supports/accommodations, and how that ties into masking ability.

As an autistic person with several physical disabilities & chronic illnesses, this is something I think consider a lot.

To illustrate my point, I’m going to use two examples: my ability to speak, and my ability to walk.

Both of these abilities are circumstantial for me. And while I usually have them, sometimes they disappear. Sometimes it’s difficult or painful to use them.

I can usually speak. I never had a speech delay or impediment as a child, and in many circumstances speech comes naturally to me.

But sometimes, when I’m overstimulated or anxious or confused, or even for no apparent reason, I lose the ability to speak. It just vanishes.

Similarly, I can usually walk. I can usually stand, and move places using my feet.

But because of my joint hypermobility and orthostatic intolerance, walking is often incredibly painful and/or debilitating, especially over long distances. Sometimes it makes me faint.

Since being on UVM’s campus and walking long distances quite frequently, my knees and hips have become incredibly sore and painful. That’s just the nature of my hypermobility.

And I’ve found myself thinking, “Would I be in less pain if I was using a cane, walker, or wheelchair?”

I think the answer is yes. And historically, when I’ve gone to events and areas where a lot of walking is involved, I use a wheelchair or my walker (which I left at home).

But I don’t *look* like I need those things, and because I can *technically* walk, people question it.

Same thing with talking. People get surprised when I lose speech, because I don’t *seem* like someone with unreliable speech.

I haven’t had much of a chance to use my AAC app in public, but when I do, I anticipate that it might cause some degree of questioning my authenticity.

So I exist in a grey area where I can usually speak and usually walk, but where those “abilities” often cause me extreme discomfort or distress.

That distress can be alleviated with assistive technology: mobility aids and AAC.

Am I “disabled enough” to use them?

I would argue that I am.

If those aids reduce my physical pain and psychological distress, then they’re tools I should be using.

Disability isn’t one-size-fits-all. And just because a disabled person can *technically* do something, doesn’t mean it’s good for them.

Forcing myself to do things when it’s painful and exhausting, not using any aids, is a form of masking.

I make myself look fine in the moment, but when I get back to my room I collapse.

No disabled person should have to mask their disability for other people’s convenience.