If people only paid attention to what people with cancer & other serious illness manage to do while going through treatment and even while facing death, maybe we’d celebrate their everyday heroism instead of shaming them for what they can’t manage.

When I went thru treatment, I would choose one project that was really important to me. I’d put what little energy I had into that. People would exclaim over how amazing & inspiring I was for being able to teach a course, lead a retreat, attend a conference, etc.

What they didn’t see was how hard I’d crash as soon as the public performance ended. They didn’t see that I might not be able to move out of my chair or bed for days afterward. They didn’t know that I was triaging my energy, which meant I had nothing left.

I have some privilege that let me make decisions about how to use my energy. There are so many people who don’t. They have to go thru treatment while raising kids alone, working full time, taking care of other people, dealing w sorry ass relatives & partners.

When I hear the stories in my #breastcancer support group, I am astounded by what people go thru during treatment. Surviving is hard enough. Please don’t make people feel ashamed if that’s all they seemed to do. Because it’s never all they did.