I gently asked a friend if she'd refrain from making value-based comments on weight or food. She was surprised her comments had affected me—she knew I’d dealt with disordered eating, but thought it was in the past.

Unfortunately, disordered eating never ends for me, or for most.

Because we live in a society that is constantly reminding us, in subtle and not so subtle ways, that smaller bodies are valued more than bigger ones. Sometimes these thoughts are less present; they don't occupy 99% of my brain space.

But they're always there, an ugly & unwelcome soundtrack I can never fully shut off.

So this is just a gentle reminder that you never know, based on someone’s appearance, who is triggered by comments about weight or food. Many, many people are.

Some suggestions:

1. Don’t comment on people’s food choices—'you ate so much! you ate so little! such a big snack, you’re going to ruin your appetite!’

2. Even if you have good intentions, don’t compliment someone on their weight loss. I don't think many people realize the implications of this.

Weight loss is tough for most, & sure, some people would like you to notice. But don’t assume they do. If THEY bring it up, compliment them on putting in hard work and achieving a goal—NOT on their looks. Most people will gain the weight back.

They will remember exactly who complimented their smaller bodies. And they will feel like those people value their non-diet bodies less.

3. Try not to speak negatively about your own weight or food choices around others—people will assume you place this judgment on them as well.

Be kinder to yourself. Especially right now. Our bodies are all existing in a state of fear during covid. They need us to be kind and forgiving to them now more than ever.