I have a lot of feelings about being autistic myself and recognizing my experience in both wen ning and lwj for totally different reasons. When I first watched cql about two months ago I looked at lwj and said hey, that’s me, just more explicitly nonverbal. Lwj having every

expectation made explicitly clear, in writing AND repeated orally, multiple times? A clear system of rewards and punishments with a clear idea of what success looks like? Rules on how to interact with other human beings? Like sign me the fuck up for gusu lan sect. And then he’s

so easily overwhelmed by emotion and changes to routine but you would never know by looking at him, unless you’re paying super close attention to how he holds his hands or where his gaze sits. Lwj stimming by making fists, digging nails into his palms, not to self injure but bc

it feels grounding? Sometimes only answering in monosyllables or very simple sentences? Picking up on extraordinarily small details other people never would? Lwj is me with more grace and poise, which is fair, I’m not played by wang yibo.

But wen ning!!! Is also autistic!! And also me! Just presenting with a very different array of characteristics. Quieter than most but not as quiet as lwj. Wen ning so obviously loves people and relationships and even if his ability to communicate on some days is low he still

tries his best! He is not so sensory adverse as lwj is but I can see him still needing quiet and calm spaces sometimes. But unlike lwj you know this dude could party hard if the situation called for it. I also identify with how wen ning is portrayed both to the audience and to

other characters. Like he’s often the comic relief even when it’s obvious he himself is not trying to be funny. He takes things literally sometimes and has his own way of getting from point a to point b. People obviously underestimate him which is part of what makes his career as

ghost general so heartbreaking because it encapsulates how neurodivergent people are often infantilized OR vilified but rarely seen as human. (Obvs neurodivergent folks irl are not fierce corpses. It’s not a perfect metaphor!) anyway, I also have feelings about wen ning in the

living dead because he seems wearier and less innocent, and idk I identify with that a lot too, this acceptance that the world is going to be shit to you so you have to hide. But at the same time you’re the only person with the skills to save the day!!! Ugh.

So in short my autism is a blend of what you see from wen ning and wangji on cql and it means a lot to point at characters and feel like I’m being seen even if I don’t think that’s the explicit choices made by writers/producers/actors/etc.

~end~