It’s almost 2am so I’m going to go ahead and share my unsolicited opinions on men-with-fish pics on dating apps. [THREAD]

(Straight) men don’t upload photos of themselves holding fish because they think we’ll be impressed by the size of the fish, or their worth as a seafood provider.

Most straight men just don’t have many pictures of themselves. Period. They’ve got baby pictures, pictures of themselves at someone’s (or their own) wedding, and maaaaybe a vacation picture or two taken near something cool.

Taking pictures of themselves isn’t in their culture. They think it’s vain or embarrassing, and often their fragile masculinity forbids them from engaging in such an act.

They don’t take pictures just because they look nice that day, and they don’t take pictures with friends, to have a nice memory. That’s female behavior. (So they believe.)

Being photographed is only okay if you’re trying to show something (besides yourself) in a picture. Like being at the Grand Canyon, or a new car you bought, or – yes – a fish you caught.

So what happens when a guy downloads a dating app?

He goes through the photos he has of himself. And it’s him holding a goddamn fish. Or him leaning on a motorcycle. Or him in a suit at his buddy’s wedding.

It’s slim pickings. And because there are so few photos to choose from, sometimes a man will upload a type of photo I have not yet mentioned in this thread, but one you have surely seen...

It’s the sitting-in-the-car, unsmiling selfie, taken with the phone in his lap while stopped at a light. Why isn’t he smiling? Why is the camera below his chin you may ask?

Because admitting to himself that he’s taking a selfie would be utterly humiliating.

Actually lifting his arm up to eye level and smiling for a nice photo would be the death of his masculinity.

So instead, women are left to choose from low-angled car selfies that resemble thumbs, blurry, ultra-cropped photos taken from a great distance, and proud offerings of fish.

Good luck choosing your next mate.