At the end of his sermons, my old man would call for those who wished to get saved to come forward. He soon noted that one congregant - he with the longest prayer requests - always picked it up. Exasperated, he called the man. Asked, "Ndugu, how many times will you get saved?"

My old man told Ndugu that at some point he was going to have to start BEING saved. That professing isn't enough & if he was to experience liberation, he had to walk the talk. Not simply seek the talk. And that's why today I don't advise people more than thrice on the same issue.

You will tell a woman, "sister, leave that man. The way he beats you, he'll kill you". Next thing you see is a Whatsapp post of them reconciled: "Ride or Die. Never listen to haters". No. I stopped saving people who don't want to save themselves. Nowadays all I do is say sorry.

After the 3rd time, I will get some beer as I listen to you. I will feign shock & indignation. I will bang the table on your behalf. But I will not advise you anymore. Something - not someone, or me - will get you out of the comfort zone. It's obvious that you don't need me.

By repeatedly advising friends on things they ought to do but refuse to do, you are effectively sanctioning inertia. You teach them that they can always come to you to deposit their baggage for a short release, & then rush back to their toxicity. Until the next time.

This sounds ideal as a friendship until you realize that such toxicity is rubbing off on you, and is affecting the way you interact with your loved ones. You can't save people who do not wish to save themselves. Know when to stop trying. A cataclysm will do the work.