I have one brain cell today, and it's been focused on Lance singing WAP in the kitchen in booty shorts and a crop top, and Shiro comes home to see the sight and dies.

The problem is I don't have time to write it, so have a thread until then. #nsfw #shance obvi.

Shiro hates Cardi B music.

... Okay, that's not quite fair. Her music has a good beat, and the lyrics are catchy. He used to find himself bobbing his head along her music when it came on in the gym. Key words being "used to."

The *problem* is his roommate loves Cardi B music.

Listen, when Shiro got back from the war and decided maybe he needed a roommate, Keith recommended his friend Lance, who just happened to also be looking for a roommate. He thought maybe he would stay with Lance for 6 months max and then get his own place.

That was 2 years ago.

Lance is a great roommate, he really is. He's tidy, and he will keeps their common area clean. He's an excellent cook, and he always makes Shiro a good breakfast if he has night terrors. He's funny, and Shiro enjoys spending time with him.

And sexy. *God* is he sexy.

When Shiro first met Lance, he nearly died at the miles and miles of caramel legs and tight ass and cute smirk. He's Shiro's type on looks alone, but he's also funny and kind and clever and respectful of Shiro's space.

ANYWAY. The point is that Lance is a good roommate, okay? Maybe even the best.

The one problem is....

Lance loves Cardi B music.

And Shiro wouldn't care normally! Lance has a good taste in music, and Shiro has more than once stalked Lance's spotify playlists when he needs new music.

No, the problem is that Lance loves to listen to Cardi B specifically when he cooks or cleans. And because Shiro can't boil water without burning a pan and Lance has a thing about how the apartment is cleaned....

Lance. Listens. To. Cardi. A. Lot.

Which, again, you know, this would not be a problem in and of itself.

No, it's that Lance has started wearing these teeny tiny shorts and an even tinier crop top while he cleans.

And *then*, he dances like a freaking sex god when he listens to Cardi.

The first time Shiro came home, and Lance was vacuuming the den while he danced to "Like It Like That," Shiro got a boner so fast his head spun from how quickly his blood traveled south.

But who could blame Shiro! Lance's ass cheek peaked out of the shorts, and Shiro got a full shot of his washboard abs when he turned.

And *then*, Lance turned off the vacuum and turned the music down when he saw Shiro, and one of Lance's dusty brown nipples slipped out.

"Hey, Shiro!" he said all cheery and happy like he wasn't every single one of Shiro's wet dreams. "How was your day?"

Shiro is ashamed to say he basically caveman grunted at Lance before making a beeline for his bathroom where he jerked himself off hard and fast and breathless.

Anywho, heaving over the sink in his bathroom, Shiro talked himself down by telling himself it was probably a one-time thing, and that he needed to get his shit together.

It was not a one-time thing.

For nearly a year, Shiro came home about once a week to Lance dancing in those stupid shorts and that stupid shirt to fucking Cardi B. And Shiro would get instantly hard before Lance turned and greeted him, and then Shiro would have to come up with an excuse to go jerk off.

Now, anytime Shiro even hears Cardi B, his dick perks up like a damn Pavlovian dog response.

So, yeah.

Shiro hates Cardi B.

It comes to a head one day when Shiro is fucking off at work reading news articles when he sees something like, "The Internet Is Freaking Out Over Cardi B's New Song, WAP." Immediately, Shiro goes to Spotify and listens to the song, and.....

Dear *god*....

The lyrics are so fucking dirty. He can see Lance dancing in their kitchen to this fucking song, and his dick starts aching. Should he... should he call Keith and tell him they need to update his will? Can he just... delete the internet? So Lance can never find this song?

Maybe he should just leave all his shit at his apartment and start over somewhere new?

Just then, his phone chimes with a text from Lance.

>>>Ramen sound good for dinner?

Well. Shit.

<<<Yep.

He's a dead man walking.

***

Shiro can *hear* the fucking start of the song outside his apartment door when he gets home.

He unlocks the door and yells to Lance as he walks in. Maybe he will have mercy on Shiro and turn the song off.

"Hey, Shiro!" Lance replies. "Can you come help me for a second?"

The song keeps going.

/Put this pussy right in your face/
/Swipe your nose like a credit card/

Fuck, he's so screwed.

He turns the corner and sees Lance in that stupid outfit, ass bouncing as he dances.

Lance looks over his shoulder and smiles at him before he sings

/I want you to park that big Mack truck right in this little garage/

Shiro *snaps*.

He's across the kitchen and pushing Lance against the counter in a second. The song plays in the background as he leans in and kisses Lance hard and dirty. Lance moans into the kiss and drops the spoon in his hand on the floor in favor of wrapping his arms around Shiro.

"Tell me now if you don't want this," he says as he moves from Lance's lips down his neck, sucking dark marks into his caramel skin.

"Fuck, no, *keep going*," Lance says as he wraps his legs around Shiro's waist. Shiro pushes him up on the counter, and Lance moans in response.

Shiro bites Lance's collarbone, and Lance laces his fingers through Shiro's hair.

"These. Stupid. Fucking. Shorts," Shiro says as he punctuates each word with another kiss. He pulls them down to Lance's knees before he drops to the floor.

*Fuck*, he's not wearing anything under them. It's perfect, and Shiro gets hard immediately. He dives in and sucks Lance's perfect, long cock into his mouth.

"G-God, I've been, ha, waiting for this for y-years," Lance gasps.

Shiro pops off his dick.

"You're fucking sinful," Shiro says. "Dancing like a whore so I'll fuck you."

Lance's grip in his hair tightens, and he shoves Shiro's face into his taint. "So f-fucking do it," he says, but the sexiness is killed by his gasps a little.

Doesn't matter.

Shiro licks his hole, groaning at the taste. He gathers spit in his mouth before pushing it past Lance's rim. Lance shoves his face deeper into his ass, moaning loudly.

He licks around his rim before finally shoving his tongue into his hole, causing Lance to groan again.

"Ri-right theeeere, ahhh Shiro-ooo, more more more," Lance whines. Shiro shoves his tongue in deeper, and Lance moans more as Shiro stretches him open. He pulls out, and Lance whines, trying to pull Shiro back in.

"Be patient, baby," Shiro says. "Open your mouth."

Lance does as he's told, and Shiro pulls his head down to shove his fingers into his mouth. "Wet them for me," Shiro says. "Show me how much you want me."

*Fuck*, Lance's mouth is so hot. He sucks hard on his digits before circling his tongue around them, lathering them in spit.

Shiro pulls them out, and Lance whines again. "Patience, baby, I'm gonna give you what you want," Shiro says as he pushes one finger past Lance's rim. Lance tosses his head back, knocking it hard against the cabinet but too horny to notice.

"M-more, please, Shi-ah-ro, more," Lance begs.

God, he's so pretty when he begs. Shiro shoves another finger in, scissoring and stretching. He searches for a minute before he finds Lance's prostate, causing him to keen hard.

"There, there there," Lance chants as he pulls at his own hair with one hand and claws at Shiro's back with the other.

Shiro smirks as he abuses his prostate. God, he's so beautiful, the bright blue of the crop top riding up, showing off his cute nipples.

"Shiro, I'm c-close," Lance moans.

Shiro nods once. He wanted to fuck Lance, but he thinks they're both too far gone to get there. Plus, if Shiro plays his cards right, this will be the first time of many.

And Shiro thinks he knows how to get there.

He looks up at Lance's sweaty face as he fingers him and sings...

/I don't wanna spit, I wanna gulp/
/I wanna gag, I wanna choke/
/I want you to touch that lil' dangly thing that swing in the back of my throat/

and then he sucks Lance down until his dick hits the back of his throat.

Lance comes with a shout immediately, shooting down Shiro's throat and spasming around his fingers. Shiro swallows him down, careful not to lose a drop.

He pops off Lance's dick again and looks up at him.

Lance is breathing hard, and his cheeks are ruddy with color.

In the background, Cardi is still playing as Shiro stands somewhat gracefully. He undoes his pants the best he can with a raging hardon, but he still manages to get them down enough to get his dick out.

He's close too, so it won't take much. He pumps his shaft a few times with Lance's careful, watchful eyes on his.

"Come on, baby," Lance begs as he reaches out and slides his hand over Shiro's, helping jerk him off. "Give me everything you got," he says with a wink.

Shiro tips over the edge, splattering Lance's stupid sexy exposed abs with his release. Lance moans again, and Shiro falls forward into Lance's arms.

They breathe hard together for a minute before Lance starts chuckling.

"Fucking, finally," Lance says. "I ruined good club clothes with bleach trying to get you to fuck me. I thought I'd have to go naked to get you to notice."

Shiro can only laugh in response, too.

Okay. Maybe Cardi B gets rights.

Woo, okay, that kinda got out of hand. If you liked it, maybe drop me a ko-fi. I am very small, and I have no money so you can imagine the stress I am under >> https://ko-fi.com/brunettereader 

Otherwise, find me elsewhere here >> https://brunettereader.carrd.co/