Marvel Characters as Parks and Rec Quotes: a thread

“everything hurts and i’m dying” -Leslie knope

Tony Stark

“I am a Goddess, a glorious female warrior” -Leslie Knope

Valkyrie

“Just remember, every time you look up at the moon, I, too, will be looking at a moon. Not the same moon, obviously, That’s impossible.” – Andy Dwyer

Luis

“If I keep my body moving, and my mind occupied at all times, I will avoid falling into a bottomless pit of despair.” – Chris Traeger

Thor

“I’m fine. It’s just that life is pointless and nothing matters and I’m always tired.” – Andy Dwyer

Nebula

“Put some alcohol in your mouth to block with words from coming out.” – Ron Swanson

Natasha

“I’m big enough to admit that I am often inspired by myself.” – Leslie Knope

Stephen Strange

“What I hear when I’m being yelled at is people caring really loudly at me.” – Leslie Knope

Peter Parker

“I once forgot to brush my teeth for 5 weeks. I didn’t actually sell my car, I just forgot where I parked it. I don’t know who Al Gore is and at this point I’m too afraid to ask. When they say 2 percent milk I don’t know what the other 98 percent is...” -Andy Dwyer

Scott Lang

“I think you’ve got several options. They’re all terrible…but you have them.” – Chris Traeger

Nick Fury

“One person’s annoying is another’s inspiring and heroic.” – Leslie Knope

Steve Rogers

“Do it. Fierce. Power” -Leslie Knope

Okoye

“Goodbye, Ann Perkins, my faithful employee. Hello, Ann Perkins, my fallopian princess.” – Chris Traeger

Tony to Pepper

“Can we have ONE conversation about feminism where MEN get to be in charge?” – Kip Bunthart

Deke Shaw

“I totally hear you, but, erm, I also don’t like what you’re saying. So if you say no, I will start a fire in the bathroom.” – Mona Lisa

Rocket

“Bababooey” -Ben Wyatt

Hunter

“I ate a brownie once at a party in college. It was intense. It was kind of indescribable, actually. I felt like I was floating. Turns out there wasn’t any pot in the brownie, it was just an insanely good brownie.” -Leslie Knope

Bruce Banner

“Do I look like I drink water?” -Donna Meagle

Vision

“You know my code. Hoes before bros. Uteruses before duderuses. Ovaries before brovaries.” – Leslie Knope

Daisy to Jemma

“I believe assault should be legal if the person is a jerk.” – Leslie Knope

Melinda May

“When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. I read that one on a can of lemonade. I like to think it applies to life.” – Andy Dwyer

Peter Quill

“I am super chill all the time!” -leslie Knope

Drax

“I don’t want to be overdramatic, but today felt like a hundred years in hell and the absolute worst day of my life.” – Leslie Knope

Steve Rogers specifically in tws

“Guys love it when you can show them you’re better than they are at something they love.” – Leslie Knope

Hope Van Dyne

“I have never taken the high road. But I tell other people to ‘cause then there’s more room for me on the low road.” – Tom Haverford

Loki

“Ugh. I hate talking to people about things.” – April Ludgate

Bucky Barnes

“I hope no one minds if I live-tweet this bitch.” – Donna Meagle

Happy Hogan

“She’s the woooooorst!” – Jean Ralphio

Jemma about Aida

“I have no idea what I’m doing, but I know I’m doing it really, really well.” – Andy Dwyer

Karolina Dean

She’s the worst person I’ve ever met. I want to travel the world with her.” – April Ludgate

Matt Murdock about Elektra

“I guess some people object to powerful depictions of awesome ladies.” – Leslie Knope

Carol Danvers

“I tried to make ramen in the coffee pot and broke everything.” – Andy Dwyer

Molly Hernandez

“I care. I care a lot. It’s kinda my thing.” – Leslie Knope

Daisy Johnson

“Pizza? Never heard of it.” – Ben Wyatt

Mantis

“I have the toes I have, let’s leave it at that.” – Ron Swanson

Comic Clint Barton

“You’re ridiculous and men’s rights is nothing” -Leslie Knope

Maria Rambeau

“The less I know about other people’s affairs, the happier I am. I’m not interested in caring about people. I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes.” — Ron Swanson

Grant Ward

“When I eat, it is the food that is scared.” — Ron Swanson

Old Lace

“I love games that turn people against each other.” — April Ludgate

Mysterio

“I have done nothing wrong, ever, in my life.” — Mona-Lisa Saperstein

Cassie Lang

"No matter what I do, literally nothing bad can happen to me. I'm like a white, male US Senator." -Leslie Knope

Sam Wilson

"I passed up a gay Halloween party to be here…" -April Ludgate

Gert Yorkes

“My body is finely tuned, like a microchip, and the flu is like a grain of sand. It could literally shut down the entire system.” – Chris Traeger

Chase Stein

“I really only listen to, like, German Death Reggae and Halloween sound effects records from the 1950s. And Bette Midler. Obviously.” – April Ludgate

Nico Minoru

“Who hasnt had gay thoughts?” -Ben Wyatt

Leo Fitz

“Leslie, I typed your symptoms into the thing up here, and it says you could have network connectivity problems.” – Andy Dwyer

Phil Coulson

“I like saying no. It lowers their enthusiasm” -Ron Swanson

Nick Fury

“I am 100% certain that I am 0% sure of what I am going to do.” -Chris Traeger

Tandy Bowen

“I know what i’m about, son. “ Ron Swanson

Tyrone Johnson

end of thread