I had an epiphany that shed light on a way I was a co-conspirator to my own emotional destruction. 2020 is anything but kind, at least we can be kinder to ourselves. Pull up a seat and let me share this with you. Thread.

The further a person is removed from my inner circle, the more they want from me. I have people who I am NOT close to asking MAJOR favors ALL the time. The people I am closest to rarely ask me for anything, yet these are the people I would do anything for.

I didn't understand how people who are not "on the home team" could ask so much of me. But part of me took it as a compliment. Like wow, people really see me as important, a person that has resources/is able to help. I allowed this notion to stroke my ego. So I would help them

So much to unpack here, and so few characters so I'll hit the main points. 1) On some level, I internalized the "Black women are the mules of the world" trope. Like of course I will help you stranger who would never usually speak to me. Its what I'm supposed to do.

2) I exist in a world that constantly expects BW to do the absolute most while offering the absolute least. I KNOW this. I teach this. I write about this. Yet, still, that dangerous notion seeped into my thoughts and actions like an odor-less poison.

3) LISTEN, allowing the fact that people see you as a resource to contribute to your self-worth is dangerous. It's a set up for manipulation and it will make you push yourself to your own breaking point because you want to maintain that perception. STOP.

4) The people that value you the most typically ask you for the least. The people you would give the world to rarely ask you for it. They are careful about how they ask you to show up for them because they respect you, your time, and YOU.

These people that are furthest removed from you but ask you for MAJOR things are able to do so because they don't care about YOU as a person. They don't care what it cost you. You are a means to an end for them. Nothing more. Please don't tell yourself any different.

So how do you self-correct? The very short answer is to explore your reasons for saying "yes" and get comfortable using "no" as a complete sentence.

End of thread.