thread on trans men and masculinity:

i often see people shitting on *certain* subreddits because they “enforce toxic masculinity” or some shit and i feel like i should clear that up, both in relation to that one sub but also in general.

it is not “toxic” to be masculine. let me repeat that: IT IS NOT TOXIC TO BE MASCULINE.

it is also not toxic to want/need to pass.

are there posts on *certain* subreddits that are toxic? yes. absolutely. if you’re already passing no one gives a shit what color your room is or what music you listen to.

but y’all really love to pick and choose. you’ll find the four posts that are toxic (which, by the way, people on the subreddit literally will call those out every time) and tweet about them.

what you don’t tweet about are the posts that help pre-t trans guys with voice training. or with hairstyles that will help them pass better. or navigate what clothes kids their age wear.

here is what you need to understand if you’re not a binary trans man: we were never taught what is more traditionally masculine. many and even most of us want to look like men as much as we can.

we do not want to engage in toxic masculinity. we just want to be seen as masculine guys our age. masculinity is not toxic, and engaging in masculinity—even if only for passing purposes—isn’t toxic either.

trans men ask what we can change because we were never taught/brought up with these things as second nature. we never knew to square off our sideburns or what hair suits what head shape. we weren’t socialized to know this.

when we come out, most of us go through so many style changes because we never got a chance to really explore our gender presentation before. but that means we’re often misgendered or seen as younger, and wearing your gender + age’s stereotypical clothes can help with that.

i see trans men being criticized all the time for “conforming to societal norms.” but as long as those norms are not gross and misogynistic, y’all really need to stay in your lane. i don’t care if you’re also trans or if you’re cis. let individuals be.

what some people need to understand is that not everyone wants to live out as trans forever and that needs to be okay. in supporting those who never want to go stealth or want to dress in more feminine ways, it is imperative that we don’t fail masculine trans men in the process.

the most dangerous thing is to NOT have these spaces where we can talk about passing and being misgendered and dysphoria. that is something we experience and we need to deal with that in our own communities.

if you don’t have bad dysphoria, don’t hang out on those subs. i personally know so many people that were really helped by stuff on there because they need a place to talk about dysphoria or they want actually effective passing tips.

trans men need spaces to be MEN. if you’re not okay with that, then don’t interact with those spaces. but it’s absolutely not okay to shit on people who do need them. we’re all just trying to exist and be happy. you’ll certainly be happier if you mind your fucking business