I think James Baldwin oversimplified. Being Black in America is to be in *grief,* almost all of the time. After George Floyd was murdered, we encouraged Black employees in particular to take bereavement leave./1

https://fortune.com/2020/06/04/george-floyd-protests-companies-mpw/?utm_source=email&utm_medium=newsletter&utm_campaign=broadsheet&utm_content=2020060412pm?showAdminBar%3Dtrue.

I took this leave myself last week. Grief is typically a private process but now we’re in a global pandemic that’s forcing us to work from home, nay to live at work./2 https://medium.com/age-of-awareness/are-you-working-from-home-or-living-at-work-5c925ac2db5b

And the weight of injustice after injustice is like carrying a ball in a box 24/7/365.

https://twitter.com/LaurenHerschel/status/946887540732149760?s=20.

It’s non-linear and it can take you by surprise./3

On Wednesday, I was caught off guard by my emotions right before a live tv interview. I — like so many Black folks — am an expert in compartmentalization in order to be productive and avoid deep despair./4

The element of surprise sent me spiraling. I panicked about the very real possibility of sobbing uncontrollably on broadcast tv. I had to phone a friend, who talked me down, because I still wanted to do the interview./5

I have a platform so many don’t and feel a deep responsibility and duty to use it whenever I can. I made it through the interview and the second it was done, so was I./6

I lay in bed all day Thursday, unable to move or stop crying or stop the ache of every muscle or spend much time with my two small children for fear of exposing them to the depth of a pain they’re too young to know but will soon experience firsthand./7

https://www.apa.org/pubs/journals/releases/psp-a0035663.pdf

When my 2 year old asked why I was sad, I told him that my friend Jacob got hurt. When my 4 year old asked about the “parade” down our street, I told him they were marching for us. Because they want the world to be fair./8

When they snuggled me, I breathed in their hair and examined them microscopically — their skin, their fingers, their eyes — and made sure that my “I love you”s and “Your beautiful”s had gusto because the world will tell them otherwise some day soon./9

I’m a researcher & advocate for others so I’m not used to talking about myself publicly. It’s actually pretty uncomfortable for me but I’m sharing more than usual here because my story is data that illustrates several things that I hope you consider about your Black employees:/10

#1 - This is what your Black employees may be going through. This is what your parents who are Black (are partnered with someone Black or have Black kids) may be going through. Corporate #DEI work often treats these identities as discrete but we all check more than one box./11

#2 - If this isn’t what your Black employees are feeling, it’s possible they’ve become adaptively desensitized to this trauma. They may try to mentally bully through the week with their heads down./12

That’s my typical state — especially since this is what I’m paid to do — but the injury can still lie just beneath the surface and may reveal itself at times & in ways that surprise the employee and coworkers alike (just as it happened for me last week). Give folks some grace./13

#3 - Relatedly, the racial tragedies of today can trigger experiences from the past. I’ve been replaying the vivid childhood memory of a man being shot and killed on my front lawn while I was few feet away.../14

...I don’t think I’ve ever talked about that day but it’s obviously still with me. This is the nature of racial trauma and systemic injustice even for those of us who have “made it.”/15

#4 - Many of your Black employees may feel a kinship obligation — constrained or not — to be heroes and helpers to other Black employees, even when they themselves are struggling./16

(This is probably not their job and is especially likely when Black employees are lowly represented in your organization, so get on it.)/17

#5 - Many of your Black employees may feel the emotional tax of having to represent their entire race to allies at work. (This is probably not their job and is especially likely when Black employees are lowly represented in your organization, so get on it.)/18

#6 - Many of your Black employees may feel a sting in their wounds when clients, customers and coworkers go about business as usual, which signals a failure to see or acknowledge their pain and humanity./19

#7 - For many of your Black employees, what they need to do as a worker is in conflict with what they need to do as Black person during times of acute crisis and loss.
(At the very least, create a reserved space for Black employees to grieve these losses as a community.)/20

#8 - Many of your Black employees don’t have the safety, trust or opportunity to share any of this with you, which is why I'm doing it.

Many Black employees don’t have a voice.

Thanks for listening to mine.

/end