I am a rape survivor, and I just had a trauma response to the video she's talking about.

A trauma response is not being bothered by something—it isn't even being really, really, bothered by something. It means that an hour ago, my brain and

nervous system did not know that I was safe in my living room. This can be seen with brain imaging. I saw the video and felt frozen and I started shaking. My resting HR is normally 55. It jumped to 117. I felt terrified. I use past tense, but I can still feel the effects, and

might still feel slightly off for the rest of the day.

Here's the thing—it's my job and responsibility to manage my trauma responses. The things that bother me are all intuitive. The things that actually trigger a trauma response? Honestly not intuitive, in my case. Very minute

details that no one would think would be triggering can do it. It's been smells before. I've watched dozens of acted rape scenes on TV and only one triggered an actual trauma response. For some men and women, it may be more intuitive, of course.

I can understand why one would

not share a video of an actual rape. It is kind for them to think of people like me.

But at the end of the day, the world doesn't have the power or the responsibility to protect me from my trauma.

I think it's fair to say "I think it was insensitive to post or share such a

video."

I do not think it's fair to say that posting such a video is "an attack on women."

This step from "not being sensitive" to "attack" is not a healthy one. It's about controlling people, and I didn't survive my sexual assaults so that I can live in a fucked up world

where the semantics of the word "attack" expand to include whatever people want it to.

Words and media are not violence to the listener/viewer. My nervous system thinks they are, but my nervous system is WRONG. Recognizing this is actually a KEY PART OF RECOVERY.

No one is

attacking me. I am in my living room. I am safe.