What I learnt on the Twitter this week:

1. Conservatives outraged that statue violently assaulted by hordes of roving statue assaulter people. Toronto Sun reports the statue assaulters also stole the statue's wallet and iPhone.
2. Eric O'Toole announces he's taking back statues.

3. CPC MP Kerry-Lynne Findlay tweets video from Soros conspiracy site with instructions, "Watch and listen carefully" and "be alarmed" and then, after deleting the tweet, says she didn't understand what she was doing. O'Toole quickly appoints her new Chief of CPC Strategic Comms.

4. Kenney announces UCP government will open new statue sanctuary, providing a place where Rescue Statues can roam freely and live long, healthy lives.
5. AB's Ministry of *Health* tweets about O&G prices and how none of this is Kenney's fault. That's it. That's the funny part.

6. Doug says "it's time for teachers to step up." Says that, after spending past 3 months campaigning, he's had enough of teachers' sitting by not planning stuff and junk.
7. Lecce releases The Greatest Back-to-School Plan Ever version 18.2.
8. Lecce wears safety vest. Lifts box.

9. Kenney shuffles cabinet. Moves Schweitzer into ministry created just for him. No statement from Kenney's Minister of Red Tape Reduction yet.
10. W. Bert Wilson endorses Eric as next PM. Says Trudeau doesn't stand a chance against Eric. Eric remains unavailable for comment.

11. Ford's Director of Media Relations says Liberals are just trying to scare parents about COVID and wishes parents would understand how many jobs the carbon tax will kill.
12. Bullying expert says Lecce being bullied on social media. Oosterhoff calls OPP TRU team for backup.

13. As Conservatives try to distract from Freeland/Soros conspiracy tweet with collective statue-related outrage Andrew Scheer quietly removes taxpayer-owned birdbath from Stornoway.
14. No official comment from Eric on birdbath situation.
15. Poilievre's Taking Air Quotes Back.

16. Trump signs executive order banning toppling of statues and allowing music copyright infringement.
17. Conservative media reports Kenosha shooter: "Lovely young guy: People rush to judgement about that whole murder thing he did."
18. Trump watches Yelp for Putin's RNC review

19. Lecce responds to Feds' contribution of billions for safe return to school, saying they're "late in the game." That's it. That's the funny part.
20. Asked if he will visit classrooms in September, Lecce says he is laser focused on tweeting photoshopped images of that, yes.

21. Doug says school boards are "dawdling" on school HVAC updates. States, "We can't wait, we can't go on government time and dawdle along. We've got to go on lightning speed and get it done." Asked if he recognizes the irony of his statement, Doug holds up can of cheesecake mix.

22. With Alberta now *receiving* "equalization" payments Kenney says it's not his fault and clearly the NDP caused the whole situation by ignoring COVID when they were in power.
23. O'Toole appoints Scheer to be Poilievre's shadow minister of Outrage and Throwing Things at Media.

24. Chrystia Freeland ignores the noise and just keeps plugging along in her roles. Conservatives outraged.
25. With deaths mounting, millions of Canadians relieved they're not Amurikuns. Even Andrew.
26. Amurikuh's not doing well. Don't be Amurikuh, eh.