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I suppose why I feel so strongly about families rescinding DNR orders and aggressively resuscitating a love one who made their wishes know, is that it feels like it devalues that person's death, and in so doing, devalues their individual journey.
Death is sad. It is hard. 1/
Death is sad. It is hard. 1/
But death is inevitable, and the suffering is only for those of us left behind, not for those moving on.
My grandfather was a chaplain for 35 years, and always said that death was never the hardest for those dying; it was always those left behind he had to comfort most. 2/
My grandfather was a chaplain for 35 years, and always said that death was never the hardest for those dying; it was always those left behind he had to comfort most. 2/
But that is why we owe it to one another not only to make sure we each live well, but that we each die well.
No one who is dying owes us their dignity to make us feel better about them leaving.
No one else owes us their peace so that we can keep ours. 3/
No one who is dying owes us their dignity to make us feel better about them leaving.
No one else owes us their peace so that we can keep ours. 3/
It is YOUR job to make sure your loved ones die well, with peace and dignity, because so many lose the ability to do that for themselves at the end.
That's your duty, however hard it is to not demand actions that feel better, but are simply borrowed time and energy. 4/
That's your duty, however hard it is to not demand actions that feel better, but are simply borrowed time and energy. 4/
Death is but the next great adventure, whatever it may look like, and it will come to us all.
Not all of us get to choose the manner in which we lose those we love, or how we pass from this world. 5/
Not all of us get to choose the manner in which we lose those we love, or how we pass from this world. 5/
If we can help the manner in which death comes, we owe it to one another to make it a good passing, and to give value and meaning to that journey.
Death is literally the last chapter in life. We all would like to be able to write that chapter and have it be meaningful. 6/
Death is literally the last chapter in life. We all would like to be able to write that chapter and have it be meaningful. 6/
If we can't write that chapter ourselves, or someone we love can't finish theirs, it is our last actions surrounding that death which define the energy of that last chapter.
Death isn't happy, or easy.
But death doesn't have to be chaotic and fearful and terrible. 7/
Death isn't happy, or easy.
But death doesn't have to be chaotic and fearful and terrible. 7/
Honestly, what I want for anyone, more than anything, is to have a good death.
A good life is wonderful, of course.
But to have a good death, with dignified and peaceful energy guiding the last pen stokes on that page..
To have that is a very, very rare gift. 8/
A good life is wonderful, of course.
But to have a good death, with dignified and peaceful energy guiding the last pen stokes on that page..
To have that is a very, very rare gift. 8/
