tw// suicide

so i found out my dad was suicidal like 2 months ago after i heard my parents talking and I always eavesdrop no matter what so ik whats going on and thats how i found out about that, and ever since, i have not been able to act normal around him. I have to be +

nicer and not have an attitude. Today, he bought a gun. I just knew he bought one, he borrowed almost $80 from me two days ago and i knew that coulda been the only thing he would buy that alla that money. Me and my brother just came from out of the car when my mom

called the p0lice for him being suicidal along with the firearm
and she said he had the gun pointed to his head and his mouth but she took it from him.
the p0lice drove him around back to the house and and mom and dad are talkin now.

The sad part is, once i found out about him being suicidal, I started being scared for both of their lives whenever they would leave the house. I would always pray let them make it to where theyre going safely and come back home safely cuz i dont want anything to happen to them

I knew he was gonna do some shit like this again. Theyve been divorced for a long time now and they still live together, regardless of all the times she has kicked him out of the house. Every time they argue, i get scared for him for the reason he is suicidal.

I honestly can not live here anymore. I have anxiety and mentally, i cannot deal with this shit anymore and my mom is miserable so ik she cant deal with it anymore either. ik its not fair to her to put up with him “for us” but its not fair to us that we have to go through

this shit. my mom has admitted it before that its not fair to us. so whenever i move out, i am getting f a r from here. i will send my mom money to help her pay for whatever house she will be living at, even if she can afford it herself but other than that, i cannot be here.

Ive got this year and next before i move out. my friends dont even know its this bad cuz its fucking EMBARRASSING telling them wtf is going on in my life. Its fucking sad that i have to put on a smile and pretend nothing is going on here. i am the support system for my friends.

I listen to their problems about family, themselves, or whatever. and to add on to the fact i gotta be stuck in quarantine dealing with this shit?!!! like bruhhh get me the fuck out before i lose my mind AGAIN.

no im not fucking deleting this thread. im leaving it here. cuz i am tired of pretending everything is fine. thats why im on here all the fucking time.

read it, dont read it, idc. you shouldn’t trust random people on the internet to care about your issues

anyways im fucking tired. im bout to sleep this shit off cuz now my nerves are bad