Can I just talk about how tiring allies can be sometimes?

It's not that I don't love and appreciate y'all for trying because I do but stuff like this is EXHAUSTING.

If you want to learn then read the thread.

I spend far too much time listening to people tell me all about how strange and new and confusing my existence is. I really shouldn't have to explain why that's hurtful - it's alienating. It makes us feel like freaks.

I get it online a lot, basically anytime I talk about my transness. But I'm here to educate so I try to roll with that.

It also happens in real life. Constantly.

I am happy to help and I'm happy to answer questions because I do want to help you learn. But please understand how much energy that takes up.

Just ask your question and listen to the answer. Don't expect me to comfort you about how it's okay to be confused on top of that.

And I can't even say *super politely* "please don't tell me how weird I am, it's hurtful!" without being dragged into a loop of comforting you about how you're doing such a great job and i appreciate it so much!!

Why do I have to be grateful to you for you seeing me as human?

When I politely correct allies the same thing happens - you just start telling me over and over "I get that! But I'm learning! Tell me how great I am and how you appreciate me!"

You don't "get that." Because you're not listening, you're just trying to prove you're good.

If you actually listened to what I was saying and thought about it AT ALL you'd realise I wasn't attacking you in any way - I'm just trying to share how I feel with you and how the way you talk about me makes me feel.

(I mean you see those screenshots. If I was rude to that person by all means tell me but I think I was pretty kind and nice! And yet she just keeps repeating "but I'm learning" "but everyone else said they appreciated it" "I would think that you'd be happy")

And yes of course it's fine to be confused or whatever, I do understand that a lot of this is new for a lot of people - but maybe talk about that confusion in a different space rather than constantly bringing it up to trans people.

You can be confused without needing to tell us all about it. I just want to live my fucking life, I don't need to hear about how hard it is for you to see me as me. Stop making us feel like we're so alien. We're just fucking people.

And the reason I say "allies" specifically when I'm talking about this is because... This kind of ally seems to make it a waaaay bigger deal than it actually needs to be. You overthink it and end up making things uncomfortable.

I know you don't mean to but you do.

My favorite people aren't the super educated "woke" allies.

They're the people who just rolled with it. They don't know very much about trans issues but they just said "okay" and started calling me "one of the lads."

It's really that easy. Don't overthink it. Don't complicate things.

Just treat that trans person like the man or woman or nonbinary person that they tell you they are.