Quick PSA: You are allowed to distance yourself from family members who are toxic to you. Abusive, belittling, refusing to respect your boundaries, gaslighting, etc etc. "But that's your mom/dad/brother/sister/etc, you have to let them in your life!" No. No you do not.

You owe them the basic human civility due all people. Love, trust, respect, sharing your life in any way? That is not a given just by the accident of being born related to them. That takes work and care on their part as well as yours. It hurts a LOT to realize this and act on it.

We have a primate instinct towards the strength and well-being of our group. We are born wanting to trust and love and connect. It takes work to break that out of a child. And cycles repeat for generations, even if it's "just" snide little comments or constant microaggressions.

It's ok to not go to family events. It's ok to not hand people the tools to hurt you. It's ok to intentionally change the patterns you've been handed down. It's ok to find family - elders, siblings, niblings - elsewhere. It's ok.

Family can be a refuge, a pillar, a support network, a cheering section, a call to accountability, a caution, an intervention, a saving grace. It can be a lot of things. Build on the good. I hope you have some of great family, by birth or otherwise.

(Adding this parenting thread to #12yearsinacircle )